Any good jokes ... ?

[Venod]

I have just got a job in a factory making plastic Dracula's.
There are only two of us on the production line.
I have to make every second count.

 

[postman]

I have just got a job in a factory making plastic Dracula's.
There are only two of us on the production line.
I have to make every second count.

Now then now then,I heard that on the radio sometime last week,it might have been Ken Bruce or Tony Blackburn.

 

[postman]

I once fell in the River Liffey,i screamed for a cork buoy,a voice shouted back sur we don't have the time to ask them where they come from grab this ring.

 

[PeteXXX]

 

[postman]

Not wanting to blow my own trumpet.But i would like to point out i ride my bike like an Armstrong and sing like an.Armstrong.I ride my bike like Louis and sing like Lance.

 

[VelvetUnderpants]

Sad news today. After years of medical training and hard work, a mate of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients so can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time and effort. A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet !

 

[PaulB]

I've got a joke about a screwdriver but it's not mine, it's Philips.

 

[houblon]

If the 44th president of the USA had been really good at rearing South American wooly beasts and had a relaxed demeanour, we'd be able to write a play called Obama: The calmer bramah lama farmer drama

 

[houblon]

If the 44th president of the USA had been really good at rearing South American wooly beasts and had a relaxed demeanour, we'd be able to write a play called Obama: The calmer bramah lama farmer drama

We'd get Simon Shama to do the research, obviously.

 

[Cavalol]

My friend's been ill in bed for the past couple of weeks, so I went around today and took some DVDs and a bottle of wine.
Fingers crossed she won't notice they're gone.

 

[davidphilips]

Be safe be seen.

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Chromatic]

I've got a joke about a screwdriver but it's not mine, it's Philips.

Are you pozi-tive it's his?

 

[raleighnut]

Are you pozi-tive it's his?

He'll be cross if it isn't

 

[Arjimlad]

He'll be cross if it isn't

You're all torx.