Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
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Chris S
Legendary Member
- Location
- Birmingham
Obviously not heard of genetically engineered chickens
Tribansman
Veteran
I went to a TV wedding at the weekend. The ceremony was crap, but the reception was brilliant
Tribansman
Veteran
Due to an incredibly rare genetic disorder, little Tommy Headley was born with no body, no arms and no legs. Against all odds, the plucky little chap survived. Scans revealed all his organs were present in miniature in his oversized chin.
He had as good a childhood as his disability allowed and he was a happy little boy. But as he grew to love football and became aware of all the things he'd never be able to do, he wished and wished and wished that he would grow a body and limbs. One night he prayed so hard he thought his head would burst.
The next day he woke up, feeling slightly odd. He felt things he never felt before and found - incredibly - that he could lift his own quilt off. Yes, overnight he had grown a neck, body, arms, legs, hands and feet. And all worked perfectly.
He was absolutely overjoyed and rushed down to tell his gobsmacked parents. So overjoyed was he that he ran outside to celebrate. Unfortunately, as he'd never had to think about such matters, it didn't even register that he lived on a busy road. Tragically, he leapt out in front of a bus and was killed instantly. Poor Tommy Headley wouldn't be able to enjoy the body he'd craved.
The moral of this story? Quit while you're a head
He had as good a childhood as his disability allowed and he was a happy little boy. But as he grew to love football and became aware of all the things he'd never be able to do, he wished and wished and wished that he would grow a body and limbs. One night he prayed so hard he thought his head would burst.
The next day he woke up, feeling slightly odd. He felt things he never felt before and found - incredibly - that he could lift his own quilt off. Yes, overnight he had grown a neck, body, arms, legs, hands and feet. And all worked perfectly.
He was absolutely overjoyed and rushed down to tell his gobsmacked parents. So overjoyed was he that he ran outside to celebrate. Unfortunately, as he'd never had to think about such matters, it didn't even register that he lived on a busy road. Tragically, he leapt out in front of a bus and was killed instantly. Poor Tommy Headley wouldn't be able to enjoy the body he'd craved.
The moral of this story? Quit while you're a head
Last edited:
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Seevio
Guru
- Location
- South Glos
Publisher: I hope this is better than your last book idea about a murderer called Hurderer.
Thomas Harris: It's about a cannibal.
Publisher: Go on...
Thomas Harris: It's about a cannibal.
Publisher: Go on...
betty swollocks
large member
I remember that lad.He got the same present for his birthday and Christmas every year,a cap.Due to an incredibly rare genetic disorder, little Tommy Headley was born with no body, no arms and no legs. Against all odds, the plucky little chap survived. Scans revealed all his organs were present in miniature in his oversized chin.
He had as good a childhood as his disability allowed and he was a happy little boy. But as he grew to love football and became aware of all the things he'd never be able to do, he wished and wished and wished that he would grow a body and limbs. One night he prayed so hard he thought his head would burst.
The next day he woke up, feeling slightly odd. He felt things he never felt before and found - incredibly - that he could lift his own quilt off. Yes, overnight he had grown a neck, body, arms, legs, hands and feet. And all worked perfectly.
He was absolutely overjoyed and rushed down to tell his gobsmacked parents. So overjoyed was he that he ran outside to celebrate. Unfortunately, as he'd never had to think about such matters, it didn't even register that he lived on a busy road. Tragically, he leapt out in front of a bus and was killed instantly. Poor Tommy Headley wouldn't be able to enjoy the body he'd craved.
The moral of this story? Quit while you're a head
Tribansman
Veteran
If we were at war with sea urchins from Yemen...we would have enemy Yemeni anemones
Tribansman
Veteran
A man wanted Valentine's Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the florist's to order a bouquet of his wife's favourite flower: white anemones.
Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns. The man asked the florist to make a bouquet out of the ferns and the flask of booze. He added a card and proceeded home.
After a romantic candlelight dinner, he presented his wife with the gift. She opened the card to read, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fronder." With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, "Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones."
Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns. The man asked the florist to make a bouquet out of the ferns and the flask of booze. He added a card and proceeded home.
After a romantic candlelight dinner, he presented his wife with the gift. She opened the card to read, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fronder." With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, "Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones."
Tribansman
Veteran
One day, Franz Kafka's sister goes to wake her brother up only to discover that overnight, he has transformed into a giant hideous bug. Terrified, she calls out "Mother! Mother! Come quick. Look at what has happened to Franz!"
Her mother rushes to her son's bedroom only to see him transformed into a giant beetle, six legs and antenna and all. She cries "Oh papa, papa. Come look at what has happened to our dear boy"
The father comes into the room. Takes a look at his only son. Runs to open a window, grabs his son's aquarium full of his favorite sea invertebrates and throws the whole thing out the window. "Papa!" his daughter asks "Why did you do that?"
He replies "With Franz like this, who needs anemones?
Her mother rushes to her son's bedroom only to see him transformed into a giant beetle, six legs and antenna and all. She cries "Oh papa, papa. Come look at what has happened to our dear boy"
The father comes into the room. Takes a look at his only son. Runs to open a window, grabs his son's aquarium full of his favorite sea invertebrates and throws the whole thing out the window. "Papa!" his daughter asks "Why did you do that?"
He replies "With Franz like this, who needs anemones?
Tribansman
Veteran
What do you say to a friendly, pale, immobile sea creature that offers you food, lodging and constipation relief for free?
Amen, amenable anaemic, enema-nising anemone with amenities.
Amen, amenable anaemic, enema-nising anemone with amenities.
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
