Any good jokes ... ?

[morrisman]

I've just retired from being a cricket umpire.
I now don't lift a finger.

 

[Cavalol]

I've just tried some of the Elvis Costello's new Mediterranean sausages.

They were wonderful. I think olive salami is here to stay.

 

[Cavalol]

Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body. I give her a shoulder to crayon.

 

[postman]

Wish me luck in this year's London Marathon. I did 3.24 last year but this year I'm hoping not to get bored as quickly and watching it for a bit longer.

Well done you.I am taking part in the Mars Marathon its a company one,I think I might eat 12_before I throw up.

 

[PaulB]

My neighbours kept me awake playing Lionel Richie all night long.

 

[Salty seadog]

View attachment 582223

I've an idea but a little steer could cause more cheer.

 

[Salty seadog]

Now you've done it. They'll be flocking in with the sheep puns.

Out walking with a friend in the country we stopped at a great little spot for a rest.

It was beautiful,

"Look at that flock of cows" I said

"Herd of cows" said my pal.

"Of course I have, there's a flock of them over there"

 

[Dayvo]

 

[PaulB]

CYCLOPS: How do you spell Hawaii?

WIFE (biting lip): Well, you need two i's

CYCLOPS (putting pen down): My life's just one big joke to you isn't it, Linda?

 

[PaulB]

Two friends walking past a clothes shop and one sees a suit in the window and says, "That's the one I'd get" and a Cyclops came up and knocked him spark out.

 

[mistyoptic]

 

[MichaelW2]

View attachment 583935

You jest, but I carried my new Freedom Carry Y frame trailer from Halfirds to home on my rear rack.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Dayvo]

Saw Elvis Costello knock down a person on a pedestrian crossing in his car today.
When asked why he laughed he nonchalently said ‘Accidents will happen.’

 

[mistyoptic]

Not a good omen for the wedding night then...