Any good jokes ... ?

[Leaway2]

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

or if it's really bad, logs.

 

[PaulB]

My brother's just got a new bird, a real head-turner. I think it's an owl.

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[Sharky]

I heard this one being told by James Stewart on a utube clip:-

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."

Made me laugh.

 

[Archie_tect]

Me, "Is it weird to talk to yourself?"
... thoughtful pause ...
Me, "No."

 

[PaulB]

My fears my parents preferred my twin brother to me were confirmed when they asked me to blow up the balloons for his surprise birthday party.

 

[Sharky]

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

Or the constipated accountant who couldn't budget.

 

[Dayvo]

 

[srj10]

There was once a king who was only 12 inches tall! Terrible king, but made a great ruler.

 

[PaulB]

I've just come back from the doctor's and he said I might have Pneumo-bacterisilimicoionasis but it's hard to say.

 

[mistyoptic]

I thought I saw a Russian jet fly past the window this morning, then I had another look and realised it was an Ilyushin

 

[postman]

I am the eldest of three. I don't have a decent photo of myself or my brother but this is harmonica.