Any good jokes ... ?

[PaulB]

I'm dressing as a different type of bread for each of the days next week. Roll on Monday.

 

[PaulB]

This new shop I've opened is doing really well. We sell used mountaineering equipment. It's money for old rope.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[Buck]

Did you know there are no canaries in the Canary Islands. The same is true in the Virgin Islands...



...there are no canaries there either.

 

[PaulB]

The World Tongue-Twister Champion was arrested last night. He can expect a really tough sentence.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Dave7]

I tried to read a book on anti gravity but had to put it down.

 

[F70100]

The book I read on anti gravity was great. I couldn't put it down.

 

[Cavalol]

A guy goes into a pet shop and asks for a songbird.
"Certainly, sir," says the grumpy assistant, "take a look at this yellow and green canary. It sings beautifully."
"But it's only got one leg ..."
"Hmm ..." says the assistant, "are you looking for a singer or a bloody tap-dancer?"

 

[Salty seadog]

View attachment 572725

I knew I was coming up short somehow.

 

[CanucksTraveller]

A rookie skydiver is descending on his first solo jump, the earth is fast rushing up to meet him. He pulls his ripcord, but nothing happens.
He reaches for his reserve, pulls the cord, and again, nothing happens.
Luckily he sees a man passing him going in the opposite direction.

"Excuse me" shouts the Skydiver, "Do you know anything about parachutes?"
"No, sorry" says the other man, "do you know anything about gas boilers?"

(Copyright "The Comedians", 1975)

 

[roadrash]

 

[tyred]

 

[roadrash]

 

[GetFatty]

View attachment 573252

Nicked