betty swollocks
large member
My friend is suing our local seafood restaurant for selling him undersized shellfish.
He's taking them to the small clams court.
He's taking them to the small clams court.
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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mistyoptic
Vintage
- Location
- A parallel reality
Profpointy
Legendary Member
There was this one back in the 60s
View: https://youtu.be/B1TykCDF1Dw
and this one
View: https://youtu.be/nf2uGNvmIRk
and at the risk of being serious the M2 was submarine aircraft carrier
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HMS_M2
Sadly lost with all hands in a peacetime accident. I've dived on the wreck. Not a daft concept. The two other m-class subs had a 12" gun which dies sound silly to me. If a sub needs a 12" gun to deal with another ship it should be running away pdq.
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
So you haven't got mushroom.
Tenacious Sloth
Guru
- Location
- Huntingdon, UK
OP
OP
cisamcgu
Legendary Member
- Location
- Merseyside-ish
Dating in the 60's
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960, and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
'Oh, come on in!' Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
'Have a seat in the living room.. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? tea?'
'Tea, please,' Fred said. Mum brought the tea.
'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?' she asked.
'Oh, probably watch a film, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the milk bar, maybe take a walk on the beach.'
'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mum informed him.
'Really?' Fred replied; eyebrows raised.
'Oh yes,' mother continued, 'When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!'
'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous.
'Yes,' said the mother.
'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'
'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail.
She greeted Fred.
'Have fun, kids!' mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
'The Twist, Mum!' she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. 'The bloody dance is called the Twist!'
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960, and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
'Oh, come on in!' Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
'Have a seat in the living room.. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? tea?'
'Tea, please,' Fred said. Mum brought the tea.
'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?' she asked.
'Oh, probably watch a film, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the milk bar, maybe take a walk on the beach.'
'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mum informed him.
'Really?' Fred replied; eyebrows raised.
'Oh yes,' mother continued, 'When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!'
'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous.
'Yes,' said the mother.
'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'
'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail.
She greeted Fred.
'Have fun, kids!' mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
'The Twist, Mum!' she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. 'The bloody dance is called the Twist!'
OP
OP
cisamcgu
Legendary Member
- Location
- Merseyside-ish
The other night I was invited out for a night with the "boys" I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the beers went down way too easily.
Around 3am, a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in. I told her "MIDNIGHT"... she didn't seem pineappled off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then she said "We need a new cuckoo clock.”
When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh s**t" Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
Around 3am, a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my wife would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in. I told her "MIDNIGHT"... she didn't seem pineappled off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then she said "We need a new cuckoo clock.”
When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh s**t" Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
betty swollocks
large member
betty swollocks
large member
roadrash
cycle chatterer
- Location
- sitting on the edge of wigan pier
Profpointy
Legendary Member
At the risk of being geeky I reckon I"ve dived on that. If I'm not mistaken, it looks very like the DC3 wreck off Kas in Turkey
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