Windle
Über Member
- Location
- Burnthouses
That's exactly the way I am too, maybe it's due to being an only child.
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- Thread starter Milzy
- Start date
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That's exactly the way I am too, maybe it's due to being an only child.
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
Its true. We have family, that's what matters, they're the ones who deeply care..plus a few deep friends if you're lucky. But family first and even then, memory softens and dwindles.
When dad passed, one abiding thing that kept coming back to me was his service in the RAF on Vulcans all those then very very important things associated with them, his travels, his worries during the nuclear hightening , the skills....it all means nothing in reality when it's gone.
And even 10 years after his passing many of his colleagues will be honest some family, associates...it all quite quickly mellows into the background....till its gone completely in what ? 20, 40 years time.
Depressing...in a way, but it's reality so doesn't really bother me.
When dad passed, one abiding thing that kept coming back to me was his service in the RAF on Vulcans all those then very very important things associated with them, his travels, his worries during the nuclear hightening , the skills....it all means nothing in reality when it's gone.
And even 10 years after his passing many of his colleagues will be honest some family, associates...it all quite quickly mellows into the background....till its gone completely in what ? 20, 40 years time.
Depressing...in a way, but it's reality so doesn't really bother me.
- Location
- Glasgow
Since the pandemic, I have taken to planting trees, shrubs and flowers in our housing scheme - phantom planting it's called
If in years to come, when I'll long be gone and forgotten, someone eats a fruit from one of the trees I have planted and helped to reach maturity (the Scottish weather!), that is enough posterity for me.
OP
OP
Milzy
Guru
They do but humans do sickening things like torture people or make the killing painful on purpose. Also genocides which have gone in the millions.
All uphill
Still rolling along
- Location
- Somerset
When I see or hear about close families I'm struck by a sense of claustrophobia; everybody having a comment about each other, all telling each other how to be. I couldn't live with that.
I like friendly chats, having a couple of friends who respect my choices and whose choices I respect. Most of all a partner who also needs time alone and space.
That would not suit you? That's fine.
And when I'm dead maybe four people will grieve for a while. About 9 billion will ever know that I was born. That's fine too.
I like friendly chats, having a couple of friends who respect my choices and whose choices I respect. Most of all a partner who also needs time alone and space.
That would not suit you? That's fine.
And when I'm dead maybe four people will grieve for a while. About 9 billion will ever know that I was born. That's fine too.
Electric_Andy
Heavy Metal Fan
- Location
- Plymouth
Too true. Both my best mate's from school no longer bother to contact me. My best friend group from Uni is the same. Everyone just gets on with their lives and prioritises things around them. Out of sight, out of mind. But I think about them nearly every day. I no longer talk to people very much because I feel there's no point making new friends as they'll all turn out to be just like the others. I'm not bitter or sad about it though, it's just how life goes with some people. My family is there for me and that's what counts for me
HMS_Dave
Grand Old Lady
I don't and i'm really not...
I wonder if this sort of thinking stems from social media such as Facebook? I know that people will get friend requests from other people they knew from school, which is likely decades ago and they might have been a friend then, but they've since moved on and are completely different people and in no way shape or form are really friends. Some you might have had a conversation with once and get added or whatever. That's what i dislike about it. Some people have 500, 600, 700 maybe 1000's of "friends" and yet how is that possible? Really? They are not your friends, they are just recognisable people and they don't really care and it is unreasonable to also expect them to care and invest heavily in you, you are just a bean in bag of many. This is why i don't do it and understand how all of this may make people think they have no friends or have anybody that cares for them and lead to a general sense of loneliness. Genuine friends, for which you form long lasting bonds and interests with, are likely to care.
The approach i take is to be a good friend to those i consider a good friend and not to bother with pretenders because this is the only controllable aspect of the whole idea...
ebikeerwidnes
Guru
- Location
- Z’ha’dum
You are describing my life there as well
I grew up with 2 main friends - although I lived a fair way away from them we pretty much grew up like brothers
If we meet up we immediatly go back to the old days
but in the last few decades it has only been fro funerals of parents and I am the only one to ever make an effort
frankly I have given up trying - they have their own lives and stuff
One of them went to the same school as me and arranged a reunion last year - and is doing another this year
(well - I say reunion - 6 people out of 99 in the year!)
But it is in London as most people who responded were from there and it seem too much trouble - and cost - to go down there for a couple of hours and lunch
life is weird
gbb
Squire
- Location
- Peterborough
I was just sat thinking, was it always the way though?
Probably not. (Imho) society is more fragmented than ever before, neighbours constantly come and go. The reliance on others, for welfare, social and financial has dwindled we're much less reliant on others, which is good...and bad. We're much more insular.
It's the world we live in unfortunately
Probably not. (Imho) society is more fragmented than ever before, neighbours constantly come and go. The reliance on others, for welfare, social and financial has dwindled we're much less reliant on others, which is good...and bad. We're much more insular.
It's the world we live in unfortunately
MontyVeda
a short-tempered ill-controlled small-minded troll
- Location
- Lancaster... the little city.
Cats play with their prey. They could just kill it outright but sometimes they just play. Nature is weird.
All uphill
Still rolling along
- Location
- Somerset
And then there are community cafes, volunteering opportunities and loads of sports and social activities.
We have much more mobility with jobs and holidays, the freedom to leave difficult family and economic circumstances.
That all means that many of us pass through lots of groups of people in our lifetimes, rather than being trapped in one village all our lives.
- Location
- Somewhere wet & hilly in NW England.
Interesting thread!
Most friendships ime congregate around situations - schools, work, clubs etc. All of which come and go as life rolls by. And most of those friends don't 'stick'. Not a source of worry for me, it is what it is.
Other things that kill friendships over time ime are situational changes such as friends who suddenly become doting grandparents and their life focus shifts and we no longer 'gel', some just become older, duller and lose their vitality, and some become over-clingy and just want too much of your time. Various people have been de-friended over the years because of these reasons. Again, this doesn't bother me.
It helps that I do not tend to be a backward-looking person. I don't bother with reunions, I don't yearn to reconnect in any way, shape or form with ex's - in fact I cannot understand what people get from such outreaches. Maybe just a longing for yesterday and perceived halcyon days.
I'm a very sociable person and like to have friends to engage with but I do accept that, apart from a few, that these will almost certainly be transient relationships.
Most friendships ime congregate around situations - schools, work, clubs etc. All of which come and go as life rolls by. And most of those friends don't 'stick'. Not a source of worry for me, it is what it is.
Other things that kill friendships over time ime are situational changes such as friends who suddenly become doting grandparents and their life focus shifts and we no longer 'gel', some just become older, duller and lose their vitality, and some become over-clingy and just want too much of your time. Various people have been de-friended over the years because of these reasons. Again, this doesn't bother me.
It helps that I do not tend to be a backward-looking person. I don't bother with reunions, I don't yearn to reconnect in any way, shape or form with ex's - in fact I cannot understand what people get from such outreaches. Maybe just a longing for yesterday and perceived halcyon days.
I'm a very sociable person and like to have friends to engage with but I do accept that, apart from a few, that these will almost certainly be transient relationships.
PedallingNowhereSlowly
Senior Member
FWIW, I largely agree with the OP.
Unless you give people something they want - usually validation - they aren't really interested in you, per se. Close friends and some family excepted - few and far between.
Things tend to fall apart when you can't give them that validation because you disagree with their world view. As a person who tends to form opinons based on facts and evidence, rather then whatever the fasionable opinions of the day might be, it tends to be quite isolating.
I also think that increased social mobility has resulted in people never to be seen outside their houses, unless it's to jump into or our of their car. So people don't get to know or build relationships with their neighbours.
Unless you give people something they want - usually validation - they aren't really interested in you, per se. Close friends and some family excepted - few and far between.
Things tend to fall apart when you can't give them that validation because you disagree with their world view. As a person who tends to form opinons based on facts and evidence, rather then whatever the fasionable opinions of the day might be, it tends to be quite isolating.
I also think that increased social mobility has resulted in people never to be seen outside their houses, unless it's to jump into or our of their car. So people don't get to know or build relationships with their neighbours.
