Uncle Drago's agony column

[Drago]

Dear Green Fingers,

Stop whinging. You young blighters don't know you're born. No national service, no rickets, pith easy A levels, you've got it made.

Anyway, don't despair. The MUBIE has an excellent chemistry syllabus. Their meth lab is first class.

 

[Gwylan]

Dear Green Fingers,

Stop whinging. You young blighters don't know you're born. No national service, no rickets, pith easy A levels, you've got it made.

Anyway, don't despair. The MUBIE has an excellent chemistry syllabus. Their meth lab is first class.

See you haven't lost the deep and meaningful caring style.

 

[Drago]

See you haven't lost the deep and meaningful caring style.

You know me Gwen. Detail orientated and empathetic to a fault.

 

[Dave7]

Dear uncle Drago.
Got myself in a delicate situation here, bet that has surprised you!!
Long story short, a guy offered me some cheap used y fronts. OkI thought....... a bit grubby but OK.
Turns out the guy nicked them off a line outside a posh gaff near Milton Keynes.
OK, the problem.
After one week I can't get them off. Tried WD40. Tried tying them to the bannister and jumping....... nothing works.
So, guess where I am!! yep, A&E.
They are talking about an oxy accetylene burner which is scary.
Police are now asking personal details. I can't tell them they are stolen can I.
So...... with your depth of wisdom do you have any suggestions as to how I can remove them.
Yours
Mr Todge.

 

[Drago]

Dear uncle Drago.
Got myself in a delicate situation here, bet that has surprised you!!
Long story short, a guy offered me some cheap used y fronts. OkI thought....... a bit grubby but OK.
Turns out the guy nicked them off a line outside a posh gaff near Milton Keynes.
OK, the problem.
After one week I can't get them off. Tried WD40. Tried tying them to the bannister and jumping....... nothing works.
So, guess where I am!! yep, A&E.
They are talking about an oxy accetylene burner which is scary.
Police are now asking personal details. I can't tell them they are stolen an I.
So...... with your depth of wisdom do you have any suggestions as to how I can remove them.
Yours
Mr Todge.

Dear Mavis,

Yet another tricky predicament in which you find yourself.

The dibble clearly suspect they are the Y fronts belonging to Prince Andrew that were stolen off the washing line. The stains, skid marks, and newly evolved life forms are the give away.

Avoid suspicion by telling the Five-O they're you're Y fronts and you cooked them in the toaster in order to sterilise them. That would explain the burn marks caused by acidic farts.

As for getting them off they'll probably have to undo your nuts first. Still, a locking washer and some loctite should see them back on as good as new. Fortunately they're badly deformed anyway so a bit of new damage shouldn't arouse suspicion any more than they're likely to arouse a female.

 

[tyred]

Dear Mr Dragon,

I fear my husband, Victor, is suffering from stress. He has a terribly cynical view of the world.

He is also a rather grumpy, moody and tends to get very irritated with other people.

It is rather embarrassing for me when he picks pointless fights with other random people, after for very minor grievances.

What do you think I could do to help my beloved Victor to have a more cheerful disposition?

Yours faithfully,
Mrs. M. Meldrew

Phone 4291