Uncle Drago's agony column

[wheresthetorch]

[QUOTE 5438746, member: 76"]Friesan cows.......white with black spots or black with white spots?[/QUOTE]

If they're really Freisan, they should put a Jersey on.

 

[johnnyb47]

Dear uncle Drago.
It's been nearly three years now that my wife ran off with another fella. As you imagine standards have slipped somewhat in my house now that I'm single. I've become somewhat un domesticated now that I have free reign of the house. It's just little things ,like my home now looks more like a bike shop rather than a home. Mud guards on the hoover and the fact I can take a dump ,with the bath room door open without offending anyone. As time is passing by though, I really do need to get out there and meet someone new. Do you think I can ever become domesticated again and be happy with it all.
All the best .
Johnny :-) :-)

 

[Grant Fondo]

Dear uncle Drago.
It's been nearly three years now that my wife ran off with another fella. As you imagine standards have slipped somewhat in my house now that I'm single. I've become somewhat un domesticated now that I have free reign of the house. It's just little things ,like my home now looks more like a bike shop rather than a home. Mud guards on the hoover and the fact I can take a dump ,with the bath room door open without offending anyone. As time is passing by though, I really do need to get out there and meet someone new. Do you think I can ever become domesticated again and be happy with it all.
All the best .
Johnny :-) :-)

We are all jealous so don't worry about it.

 

[classic33]

If it's a chick, then its ok to call them barmaid. Even the old ones.

It must be a ruse buy the chap you were observing, because there's no such thing as a bad Guinness.

There is, the taste is completly different. I've stopped supping and ordered something else more than once.

 

[classic33]

Uncle Drago: I have received my D.A.B. 3D digital radio from the internet which arrived on a low loader this morning. I would appreciate a little help with tuning it as the instructions are inadequately translated from Mandarin Chinese. It has what it describes as a 2.3 metre plasma screen.

What should I do?

Yours Worried

 

[Speicher]

If they're really Freisan, they should put a Jersey on.

[QUOTE 5438976, member: 76"]Your coat is over there ------------------------->[/QUOTE]

I don't think that @wheresthetorch has a coat big enough to fit a Freisan cow.

 

[Yellow Fang]

Dear Uncle Drago, I have a serious flatulence problem. My colleagues pretend not to notice, but I find it very embarrassing and it's getting me down. Do you have any tips for this problem? I have heard eating charcoal can help.

 

[Julia9054]

Dear Uncle Drago, I have a serious flatulence problem. My colleagues pretend not to notice, but I find it very embarrassing and it's getting me down. Do you have any tips for this problem? I have heard eating charcoal can help.

So it was you standing near me during the minutes silence at the beacon lighting thingy in town this evening!

 

[classic33]

I don't think that @wheresthetorch has a coat big enough to fit a Freisan cow.

Not the height of fashion, but...

 

[flake99please]

Dear Uncle Drago

2 questions...

What colour is Hippos milk?

When should I replace my Bic Orange disposable razor, as it’s almost 30 years old?

 

[Drago]

Dear uncle Drago.
It's been nearly three years now that my wife ran off with another fella. As you imagine standards have slipped somewhat in my house now that I'm single. I've become somewhat un domesticated now that I have free reign of the house. It's just little things ,like my home now looks more like a bike shop rather than a home. Mud guards on the hoover and the fact I can take a dump ,with the bath room door open without offending anyone. As time is passing by though, I really do need to get out there and meet someone new. Do you think I can ever become domesticated again and be happy with it all.
All the best .
Johnny :-) :-)

What you need is a maid. An 18 year old eastern European one in a skimpy maids outfit...

Uncle Drago: I have received my D.A.B. 3D digital radio from the internet which arrived on a low loader this morning. I would appreciate a little help with tuning it as the instructions are inadequately translated from Mandarin Chinese. It has what it describes as a 2.3 metre plasma screen.

What should I do?

Yours Worried

Send it back to the 1990s, which is clearly where you found it!

Dear Uncle Drago, I have a serious flatulence problem. My colleagues pretend not to notice, but I find it very embarrassing and it's getting me down. Do you have any tips for this problem? I have heard eating charcoal can help.

If you thinking sticking my tip up this particular problem, then you've got another thing coming miladdo!

Dear Uncle Drago

2 questions...

What colour is Hippos milk?

When should I replace my Bic Orange disposable razor, as it’s almost 30 years old?

Don't be daft. Hippos lay eggs.

Buying a new razor after a mere 30 years is rather frivolous. Habe you tried dismantling it and sharpening it on a whetstone?

 

[Dave7]

Dear Uncle Drago

2 questions...

What colour is Hippos milk?

When should I replace my Bic Orange disposable razor, as it’s almost 30 years old?

I find I get many years out of them.....unless Mrs D uses it-in which case its less than a week.
Try telling the other half to lay off them.

 

[Cuchilo]

Dear Uncie Drago .
As i am get older i find i am becoming somewhat increasingly dis-functional in the down stairs area and its driving me to despair .
Time and time again i find myself using it and not cleaning up after myself , i just cant be bothered . Its got to the point where i just look at it and think " What a horrible mess "
Mondays are the worst as i normally spend all day Sunday doing wonderful things and again not cleaning up , then on monday it gets used again , normally three times and this will go on all week unless i have to go out .
The back part is the worst as it just gets used as a dumping ground !
Please help Uncie Drago , i just want my kitchen back .
Depressed in Hanworth .

 

[Drago]

Dear depressed in Hanworth,

I was saddened to hear of your plight. I suggest a visit to Halfords to buy one of their excellent value jetwash devices to clean up the mess. You'll also find the cold water and pleasant tickling sensation revitalises function in your downstairs equipment.

 

[classic33]

Uncle Drago: I have accidentally come on holiday to Wales by getting on the wrong train.

Is there anything I can do?