Uncle Drago's agony column

[Slow But Determined]

Uncle Dragon.

Can you tell me the rationale behind covered bridges which are popular in the USA?

 

[Drago]

Uncle Drago: I have accidentally come on holiday to Wales by getting on the wrong train.

Is there anything I can do?

Best to try and blend in. Grow a beard, talk gibberish, end every sentence with 'Boyo', and break into close harmony choral singling at every opportunity. With luck, that will keep you safe until you can afford the money for the camel ride home.

Uncle Dragon.

Can you tell me the rationale behind covered bridges which are popular in the USA?

To keep snow off the bridge roadway in the winter. In areas with very high snowfall, such as Vermont, the weight of snow could demolish a wooden bridge (as most were). A sloping roof allowed the snow to fall harmlessly into the river. Northern New England has a dense network of rivers, and damaged bridges could (and still can) seriously impede local transportation and commerce. It's also not unlikely that the savvy New Englanders figured out early on that in time to come the bridges would make first-rate tourist attractions.

 

[Cuchilo]

Dear Uncie Drago .
We all know bridges are covered in the USA to keep snow off the bridge roadway in the winter. In areas with very high snowfall, such as Vermont, the weight of snow could demolish a wooden bridge (as most were). A sloping roof allowed the snow to fall harmlessly into the river. Northern New England has a dense network of rivers, and damaged bridges could (and still can) seriously impede local transportation and commerce. But in this day and age why not just install under bridge heating ?
Confused in Hanworth .

 

[Kempstonian]

Yes, a large bonfire should do the trick.

 

[Threevok]

Dear Uncle Drago

I took Mrs V out for a meal last night. She had scampi and I had a lovely steak.

Unfortunately this was spoiled, when she told me that she was leaving me if I didn't change my ways.

She said that I never listen to a word she says and I get easily distracted by petty things.

She said I don't have my priorities right and never concern myself with the things that really matter.

So please Uncle Drago - help...

Can you tell me what scampi is ?

 

[Drago]

Dear Uncie Drago .
We all know bridges are covered in the USA to keep snow off the bridge roadway in the winter. In areas with very high snowfall, such as Vermont, the weight of snow could demolish a wooden bridge (as most were). A sloping roof allowed the snow to fall harmlessly into the river. Northern New England has a dense network of rivers, and damaged bridges could (and still can) seriously impede local transportation and commerce. But in this day and age why not just install under bridge heating ?
Confused in Hanworth .

A good point, but with a good reason behind it. Since Tony Blair was deposed as PM it has become bad form to make up some excuse to invadre an arab country and steal all their oil. thus, America now lacks the SUV juice required to heat such bridges.

Dear Uncle Drago

I took Mrs V out for a meal last night. She had scampi and I had a lovely steak.

Unfortunately this was spoiled, when she told me that she was leaving me if I didn't change my ways.

She said that I never listen to a word she says and I get easily distracted by petty things.

She said I don't have my priorities right and never concern myself with the things that really matter.

So please Uncle Drago - help...

Can you tell me what scampi is ?

I was udner the imrpession that it is some kind of sexually transmitted infection. For example, "Have you heard what happened to Accy? Yeah, he's caught the Scampi's off his new girlfriend has has had to have a course of injections into his cod fillets."

 

[welsh dragon]

Dear uncle drago.

Can you please tell me where Mrs D bought the taser you mentioned. I am asking for a friend you understand.

 

[Dave7]

Uncle Drago: I have accidentally come on holiday to Wales by getting on the wrong train.

Is there anything I can do?

Stay well away from those sheep.

 

[Dave7]

Dear Uncle Drago.
This is very embarrasing and personal so please dont let anyone else know about it......I have absolute trust in you.
You know, as do most sane people, that a man has his 'needs'. Also, those needs must be addressed promptly.
Now, Mrs D used be reasonable about my 'needs'. She always said that when I get older my 'needs' would lessen.
However, the opposite had happened.
It used to be once each morning and usually twice on Sundays.
My 'needs' have increased to the point where its now 3 times a day.....maybe 4 on Sundays.
Mrs D says this not natural and that I should seek help.
What is your opinion?
I think that at my age, if I want to take a dump 3 times a day I should be allowed to enjoy them.
BTW can you advise on where to purchase toilet spray in bulk at reasonable prices.

 

[Edwardoka]

Dear Uncle Drago,

Please help me, I am trapped inside a text box in a web browser send help oh god they're going to hit post rep-

 

[classic33]

Dear Uncle Drago:

I am trapped in a McDonalds toilet in Liverpool, well and truly superglued to the W.C. Someone spread the glue all over the W.C. and like a fool I just sat down on it. I am permanently welded to the toilet bowl now and what's worse is that there's no door on the cubicle and I nipped into the women's loo as the men's was full.

Removing the seat isn't an option, as the trousers I have on won't fit over the seat.

Stuck, Liverpool

 

[Drago]

Dear Uncle Drago:

I am trapped in a McDonalds toilet in Liverpool, well and truly superglued to the porcelain W.C. Someone spread the glue all over the W.C. and like a fool I just sat down on it. I am permanently welded to the toilet bowl now and what's worse is that there's no door on the cubicle and I nipped into the women's loo as the men's was full.

Stuck, Liverpool

Sorry to hear this. My sources tell my that Trumpton are there now as we speak trying to free you from the throne. Let's hope they're successful, as that'll leave the police something to go on.

 

[classic33]

Uncle Drago:

I have recently discovered secret messages on Tomato Sauce bottle labels.

These messages form part of a code which, when you take the 3rd letter of each word and assemble the whole string of letters and reverse them, reveal top secret instructions about preparing a landing site for the forthcoming invasion of earth by aliens from the planet Zod.

I don't want to be "sectioned" again so this time have not told the police about it. What should I do Uncle Drago?

 

[Drago]

Uncle Drago:

I have recently discovered secret messages on Tomato Sauce bottle labels.

These messages form part of a code which, when you take the 3rd letter of each word and assemble the whole string of letters and reverse them, reveal top secret instructions about preparing a landing site for the forthcoming invasion of earth by aliens from the planet Zod.

I don't want to be "sectioned" again so this time have not told the police about it. What should I do Uncle Drago?

Listen Accy, I've told you to stop stalking me. Pretending to be someone else doesn't make it ok to break the injunction!

 

[Dave7]

Dear Uncle Drago:

I am trapped in a McDonalds toilet in Liverpool, well and truly superglued to the W.C. Someone spread the glue all over the W.C. and like a fool I just sat down on it. I am permanently welded to the toilet bowl now and what's worse is that there's no door on the cubicle and I nipped into the women's loo as the men's was full.

Removing the seat isn't an option, as the trousers I have on won't fit over the seat.

Stuck, Liverpool

I dont claim to have the wonderous depth of knowledge that Drago has but I have been mulling your problem over.
I think the ONLY solution is.....
1. Clean bum.
2. Strip off completely
3. Brazenly walk out as though that
happens every day (which may be
true in your case)
4. Alter your car seat as you will be
slightly taller.
Job done. Glad to help. No thanks needed.