Uncle Drago's agony column

[pjd57]

Dear Drago,

Back in 1977 I had reason to go to the little boys room and the when I was finished and tried to come out again the door knob broke and it took me some time to break the door so I could get out.

When I did get out I discovered that there was a slow news day and that the newspapers had made up some sort of story about me dying just to boost their sales. Understandably I felt embarrassed by this so kept a low profile for a bit and it had the had advantage of stopping me being hounded by my fans.

Of course I had cut myself off from my old life and record royalties so took a job in a fish and chip shop for a time to pay the bills. Now I am sick of coming home with my hair my jump suit reeking of chip fat every evening so I would really like to start playing gigs again and reclaim my title of the King of Rock n' Roll although I think with the arthritis I may have to tone down the dancing nowadays. I also think I'd make a good judge on X-Factor.

I was wondering if you could give me some advice on the best way to come back from the dead and to resurrect my music career.

Yours faithfully,
Mr. E. Presley Esq.

Sounds like you're caught in a trap

 

[Deleted member 26715]

Sounds like you're caught in a trap

You have a suspicious mind

 

[Dave7]

In Norway we saw a lot of people with their socks pulled up outside their trousers-mostly Americans-maybe this also a trend

That only works if you are wearing Adidas tracky bottoms, have a baseball hat on back to front and walk about saying 'innit'

 

[pjd57]

You have a suspicious mind

I'm all shook up by your comment.

 

[Deleted member 26715]

I'm all shook up by your comment.

Stop being a Hound Dog

 

[pjd57]

Stop being a Hound Dog

Close your mouth and open your heart


P.S. not a fan of the man

 

[classic33]

Stop being a Hound Dog

Close your mouth and open your heart


P.S. not a fan of the man

Pair of you should be fastened to the jailhouse rock.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Pair of you should be fastened to the jailhouse rock.

Sounds like you are catchin' on fast

 

[classic33]

Sounds like you are catchin' on fast

That's doing it my way.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

That's doing it my way.

Didja' Ever?

 

[classic33]

Didja' Ever?

Now or Never?

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Now or Never?

The Fair's Moving On

 

[classic33]

The Fair's Moving On

Don't be cruel

 

[classic33]

Dear Mr T

I gave a letter to the postman, he put it his sack Bright an early next morning, he brought my letter back

She'd wrote upon it Return to sender, address unknown No such number, no such zone

We had a quarrel, a lover's spat I write I'm sorry but my letter keeps coming back

So then I dropped it in the mailbox and sent it special D Bright in early next morning it came right back to me

She'd wrote upon it Return to sender, address unknown No such person, no such zone

This time I'm gonna take it myself and put it right in her hand And if it comes back the very next day then I'll understand

The writing on it Return to sender, address unknown No such number, no such zone

Return to sender, return to sender Return to sender, return to sender

Is this proof that the mail man and my girlfriend may be intending to do a runner. Wooden heart them to be honest about what they're planning. All I wanted was to love her tender(Her papa's big into fire trucks)

Yours
E.P.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Dear Mr T

I gave a letter to the postman, he put it his sack Bright an early next morning, he brought my letter back

She'd wrote upon it Return to sender, address unknown No such number, no such zone

We had a quarrel, a lover's spat I write I'm sorry but my letter keeps coming back

So then I dropped it in the mailbox and sent it special D Bright in early next morning it came right back to me

She'd wrote upon it Return to sender, address unknown No such person, no such zone

This time I'm gonna take it myself and put it right in her hand And if it comes back the very next day then I'll understand

The writing on it Return to sender, address unknown No such number, no such zone

Return to sender, return to sender Return to sender, return to sender

Is this proof that the mail man and my girlfriend may be intending to do a runner. Wooden heart them to be honest about what they're planning. All I wanted was to love her tender(Her papa's big into fire trucks)

Yours
E.P.

As requested, returned to sender

Royal Mail sorting office, Pendle Hill, Witches Country.