Uncle Drago's agony column
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classic33
Leg End Member
Dear Aunty Abbott
Everyone is so engrossed in politics these days, they've taken their eyes off the ball. All this talk of Trump and Brexit when in reality the real problem is known to a select band of people, birdwatchers.
Even as I type this an army of sparrows is plotting to overthrow the worlds governments. Covering Corbyn, leaving May in the dark and getting ready for Trumping Tump. We are willing to negotiate on their behalf, But they refuse to take the issue with the seriousness it deserves.
How can we get them to see sense before it's too late?
Yours
Oliver(RN) Ohology
Swift N' Sure
Everyone is so engrossed in politics these days, they've taken their eyes off the ball. All this talk of Trump and Brexit when in reality the real problem is known to a select band of people, birdwatchers.
Even as I type this an army of sparrows is plotting to overthrow the worlds governments. Covering Corbyn, leaving May in the dark and getting ready for Trumping Tump. We are willing to negotiate on their behalf, But they refuse to take the issue with the seriousness it deserves.
How can we get them to see sense before it's too late?
Yours
Oliver(RN) Ohology
Swift N' Sure
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Dear Olivia,
I find that compromising photos of the opposition usually gets them to see things my way. I've so e nude photos of myself you could use to frighten them with.
Love,
Diane -x-
I find that compromising photos of the opposition usually gets them to see things my way. I've so e nude photos of myself you could use to frighten them with.
Love,
Diane -x-
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Team, Diane Abbott has had to step down. Due to a lapse of memory she now thinks she's a real Abbott and I can't get her out of church.
But all is not lost. I've pulled a few strings, and no less than the man himself, numero uno, the boss, the head honcho, the leader of the free world, the President "The Donald" Trump has agreed to run this agony column for a while. He says the US economy is jn such great shale he has all the time jn the world.
No need to thank me.
But all is not lost. I've pulled a few strings, and no less than the man himself, numero uno, the boss, the head honcho, the leader of the free world, the President "The Donald" Trump has agreed to run this agony column for a while. He says the US economy is jn such great shale he has all the time jn the world.
No need to thank me.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Dear Republican,
It is very important that if you want to do business, that you dress like you want to do business. If you want to be president then a smart suit and tie, if you want to build a big beautiful wall then some old rags would do fine because I'd have you deported anyway once its finished.
President Trump.
It is very important that if you want to do business, that you dress like you want to do business. If you want to be president then a smart suit and tie, if you want to build a big beautiful wall then some old rags would do fine because I'd have you deported anyway once its finished.
President Trump.
Dear Young Virile Donald,
I hope this finds you well over your morning covfefe. My problem is I want to invade small insignificant archipelago off west coast of Europe and would like to know if I have your support in this. I have alienate them from closest allies and broken their logistics so I don't foresee any operational issues - they are turning ferries into warships!
мочиться ленты,
Uncle Vlad
P.S. "компромат" is such an ugly word, no? I prefer "leverage" - is how you say, "art of deal".
I hope this finds you well over your morning covfefe. My problem is I want to invade small insignificant archipelago off west coast of Europe and would like to know if I have your support in this. I have alienate them from closest allies and broken their logistics so I don't foresee any operational issues - they are turning ferries into warships!
мочиться ленты,
Uncle Vlad
P.S. "компромат" is such an ugly word, no? I prefer "leverage" - is how you say, "art of deal".
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Dear Vlad, you handsome young devil you,
Always a pleasure to hear from you - a man who simply gets things done, and sod the niceties of....of...well, of anything.
Provided I can have a bit of land for a golf course, I won't interfere. Might I suggest March the 29th? Their 8 remaining soldiers will be too busy firing plastic bullets at Democrats on the streets of London to bother you.
Your loyal friend and ally,
Donald.
Always a pleasure to hear from you - a man who simply gets things done, and sod the niceties of....of...well, of anything.
Provided I can have a bit of land for a golf course, I won't interfere. Might I suggest March the 29th? Their 8 remaining soldiers will be too busy firing plastic bullets at Democrats on the streets of London to bother you.
Your loyal friend and ally,
Donald.
classic33
Leg End Member
Dear Uncle Trump
I’ve noticed lately that I worry about everything. My school work is not that good and I think the teachers think I’m a failure (I can tell by the way they look at me). My bike ride to school has become a nightmare because I think someone is going to let my tyres down. I've left the lock or the keys at home; the drivers drive like idiots round my way. The worse thing at the moment is my boyfriend. I feel sure he’s seeing another girl, although he denies it. Why did he have a smell of perfume on his clothes the other day? I’ve realized that lately I lie awake at night with my thoughts chasing round and round.
What should I do?
Yours sincerely,
P. Frosty, Cambridge
PS: Please reply quickly as I’m worried my letter might get lost in the post!
I’ve noticed lately that I worry about everything. My school work is not that good and I think the teachers think I’m a failure (I can tell by the way they look at me). My bike ride to school has become a nightmare because I think someone is going to let my tyres down. I've left the lock or the keys at home; the drivers drive like idiots round my way. The worse thing at the moment is my boyfriend. I feel sure he’s seeing another girl, although he denies it. Why did he have a smell of perfume on his clothes the other day? I’ve realized that lately I lie awake at night with my thoughts chasing round and round.
What should I do?
Yours sincerely,
P. Frosty, Cambridge
PS: Please reply quickly as I’m worried my letter might get lost in the post!
LeetleGreyCells
Un rouleur infatigable
- Location
- Whitehaven Mansions
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Well, it suggest an immediate round of severe economic sanctions, it took me only a week to reduce the value of Turkeys economy by 40% as retaliation for imprisoning an American citizen - see if you can beat that
Hail to me,
The Donald.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Dear Cambridge,
Dont worry. We'll build a big, beautiful turkey, and we'll garnish it with nice things, and Mexico will pay for it.
Love Donald.
PS, say hi to Stormy for me.
Dont worry. We'll build a big, beautiful turkey, and we'll garnish it with nice things, and Mexico will pay for it.
Love Donald.
PS, say hi to Stormy for me.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Right, I'm told that the leader of the free world, Mr Donald "ace" Trump, can no longer contribute towards this column. It would seem he's a bit busy trying to invade Iran.
In the meantime the future leader of the Conservative party, Mr B. Johnson. Esq, has kindly given up his time to answer your questions.
In the meantime the future leader of the Conservative party, Mr B. Johnson. Esq, has kindly given up his time to answer your questions.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Dear Boris,
You are a knobber with a low IQ. How about that for withholding intelligence?
Now for the question "Can I have the job as Brexit secretary?"
Yours
Teresa "I'm not bitter" May
You are a knobber with a low IQ. How about that for withholding intelligence?
Now for the question "Can I have the job as Brexit secretary?"
Yours
Teresa "I'm not bitter" May
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