Uncle Drago's agony column

[Drago]

Dear Frightened Fish,

I do wish Jermey Corbyn would put a ring on me instead of wicking uo to that a Terence May chap.

Diane.

 

[Illaveago]

Dear Uncle Drago.

If you've been invited to a work Christmas Outing at the Christmas Market in Stuttgart and you are an extreme introvert, is it socially acceptable to fake your own death in order to avoid it?

If not, what other strategies do you suggest?

One word of warning! If you do fake your own death don't appear in an advert in a foreign country like Panama afterwards !

 

[Drago]

And if you do fake your own death try do a bit better than hiding in a cupboard.

 

[Illaveago]

And if you do fake your own death try do a bit better than hiding in a cupboard.

I hadn't thought of that !

 

[classic33]

And if you do fake your own death try do a bit better than hiding in a cupboard.

Someone managed nigh on ten years.

 

[Drago]

Someone managed nigh on ten years.

To be honest, if I were married to his missus I'd have faked my death years beforehand.

 

[Illaveago]

Didn't he live next door for quite a while ?

 

[classic33]

One word of warning! If you do fake your own death don't appear in an advert in a foreign country like Panama afterwards !

Dear Giveitamiss

You may have already broken the first rule, "let no-one know".

Now may be the time to think of another means of making money. Imsurance companies will go to extrodanary lengths to avoid a payout. And as far to get any money back that has already been paid out.

Your idea, whilst sound, was bound to fail.

Yours
G. Reaper

 

[Illaveago]

Why don't subtitles get bigger when I turn the volume up ?

 

[classic33]

Why don't subtitles get bigger when I turn the volume up ?

Dear Bewildered

Subtitle size is governed by EIA608. Too small, they're whispering, could be seen as subliminal advertising. Leading to you turning them off. Similarly a loud, sudden noise would previously have covered most of the screen, thus only partly visible. It's why manufacturers bring ever larger TV screens out, getting the sales people to have you sitting closer to the screen.

Yours
AI

 

[classic33]

Dear Auntie Abbot, I am sitting in my best clothes in wet mud in a torrential downpour in the garden. Normally despite being an otherwise intelligent human being, I ask my mother whether or not to come in out of the rain.

My mother tells me I have no common sense. I have a horrific cough and what seems to be pneumonia. My mother is not speaking to me so will not tell me either to come into the house or stay out in the garden.

Will you tell me where to go?

 

[Drago]

Dear Boris?

Mrs Johnson caught you poleing the electorate again, eh? Take shelter in the shed, or perhaps under whichever rock you crawled out of

Love,

Diane.

 

[Dave7]

Dear uncle Drago.
I came home to find my wife dancing to 80s music while wearing a pushup bra, thong and suspenders.
I really object to her wearing my under clothes but she wont listen.
What is your advice.

 

[classic33]

Dear uncle Drago.
I came home to find my wife dancing to 80s music while wearing a pushup bra, thong and suspenders.
I really object to her wearing my under clothes but she wont listen.
What is your advice.

Have you tried putting them in the same place as your passport. She'd never find them then.

 

[Drago]

Dear uncle Drago.
I came home to find my wife dancing to 80s music while wearing a pushup bra, thong and suspenders.
I really object to her wearing my under clothes but she wont listen.
What is your advice.

Jeremy? I told you we would talk about this later.

Diane.