Uncle Drago's agony column

[perplexed]

How?

He's spotted your palm tree...

 

[Edwardoka]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I peered out the window this morning and was witness to the bizarre spectacle of drivists clearing ice from their windscreens.
Is it that humans are incapable of forethought and spending 15 seconds of an evening putting a cover over the windscreen is less preferable to spending 15 minutes of a morning clearing it of ice so that they can drive their sproggen to school in their slippers?
Or is it that those covers which are available are so incapable of fulfilling their raison d'etre as to be worthless, and materials science has yet to come up with a system for defeating an atmospheric phenomenon that has been directly observable in cold climes since the invention of glass?

Yours despairingly,
Dan the Dagger Man from Dagenham

 

[classic33]

Via a Facebook personality test. You also have the pecs and glutes of Screenman.

He can have them back, anytime he wants them.

 

[Drago]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I peered out the window this morning and was witness to the bizarre spectacle of drivists clearing ice from their windscreens.
Is it that humans are incapable of forethought and spending 15 seconds of an evening putting a cover over the windscreen is less preferable to spending 15 minutes of a morning clearing it of ice so that they can drive their sproggen to school in their slippers?
Or is it that those covers which are available are so incapable of fulfilling their raison d'etre as to be worthless, and materials science has yet to come up with a system for defeating an atmospheric phenomenon that has been directly observable in cold climes since the invention of glass?

Yours despairingly,
Dan the Dagger Man from Dagenham

This is a regressive form of evolution, Utterly Narcissis Twottishinessessis. The side effect of this is to compell people to park their second most valuable possession outdoors in the weather where they think other sufferers can admire it, while they fill their garages with worthless crap that would be better off in a skip. Alas, other suffers think they are prats and couldn't care less.

There is no cure. The only tactic is to exercise your common sense gene before and keep it strong, else it will be bred out of your bloodline.

 

[classic33]

This is a regressive form of evolution, Utterly Narcissis Twottishinessessis. The side effect of this is to compell people to park their second most valuable possession outdoors in the weather where they think other sufferers can admire it, while they fill their garages with worthless crap that would be better off in a skip. Alas, other suffers think they are prats and couldn't care less.

There is no cure. The only tactic is to exercise your common sense gene before and keep it strong, else it will be bred out of your bloodline.

Dan the Daggerman, ignore the piece in bold as some are known to keep bicycles in there, away from prying eyes.

 

[Drago]

With determination and a superior intellect, a garage can be home to both.

 

[raleighnut]

With determination and a superior intellect, a garage can be home to both.

Yep you can get cars to take up much less space,

 

[Andy in Germany]

Dear Uncle Drago.

If you've been invited to a work Christmas Outing at the Christmas Market in Stuttgart and you are an extreme introvert, is it socially acceptable to fake your own death in order to avoid it?

If not, what other strategies do you suggest?

 

[Drago]

Dear Herr Andreas,

Faking your own death is a bit extreme. I woukd suggest starving yourselves and pretending to be in the terminal stages of Aids, and thus too ill to attend. While everyone else is at the Christmas market you can gorge yourself in takeaway, and pretend that the incompetent doctor had confused your haemhorroid symptoms for Aids and had misdiagnosed you.

Perfect, eh?

 

[Andy in Germany]

Dear Herr Andreas,

Faking your own death is a bit extreme. I woukd suggest starving yourselves and pretending to be in the terminal stages of Aids, and thus too ill to attend. While everyone else is at the Christmas market you can gorge yourself in takeaway, and pretend that the incompetent doctor had confused your haemhorroid symptoms for Aids and had misdiagnosed you.

Perfect, eh?

This has 2 problems:

1: Several members of the team are medically trained. and will attempt to administer first aid and/or a complete diagnosis on the spot.

2: it requires human interaction. I'm trying to find a method where I don't actually have to speak to the entire group at once. Or at all...

 

[Drago]

I see your problem. I still think faking your death may be a bit extreme. Hmmmm...

Ah! How about faking your own kidnapping? Play your cards right you could pocket a nice ransom, so you get paid for skiving off.

 

[perplexed]

Dear Uncle Drago.

If you've been invited to a work Christmas Outing at the Christmas Market in Stuttgart and you are an extreme introvert, is it socially acceptable to fake your own death in order to avoid it?

If not, what other strategies do you suggest?

I feel your pain.

About 30 years ago, I tried like mad to get out of going to my own leaving do.

I don't mind seeing some people socially; I have a tiny number of 'good' friends who's company I enjoy - but even then in small doses, love 'em though I do. I have a wider circle of aquaintences whom I see occasionally. Sometimes, it's not so much the number of people as such, but once a gathering gets much larger than as little as 4 or 5, 'group dynamics' start coming into play. Look at the behaviour of a large 'party' group in a pub/restaurant - I'm not talking about inebriation, just volume and lack of regard for anyone else around them. I'm just not interested in being part of this.

 

[raleighnut]

Dear Uncle Drago.

If you've been invited to a work Christmas Outing at the Christmas Market in Stuttgart and you are an extreme introvert, is it socially acceptable to fake your own death in order to avoid it?

If not, what other strategies do you suggest?

Given where you work I suppose it would be frowned on to hit a Bierkellar and get absolutely hammered (it's how I'd deal with it)

 

[classic33]

Dear Uncle Drago.

If you've been invited to a work Christmas Outing at the Christmas Market in Stuttgart and you are an extreme introvert, is it socially acceptable to fake your own death in order to avoid it?

If not, what other strategies do you suggest?

What about the simple common cold. Medical help wouldn't be required, so anyone medically trained could only confirm that you're doing your best to get rid of it. Thus avoiding any intervention on their part.

This would mean it would be unfair, of you, to possibly pass it on. Despite this being the season of Goodwill to all, and a time for sharing.

More effective if you have the sniffles/can feel a cold coming on in the days beforehand.

 

[MikeG]

What about the simple common cold. Medical help wouldn't be required, so anyone medically trained could only confirm that you're doing your best to get rid of it. Thus avoiding any intervention on their part.

This would mean it would be unfair, of you, to possibly pass it on. Despite this being the season of Goodwill to all, and a time for sharing.

More effective if you have the sniffles/can feel a cold coming on in the days beforehand.

Weak.

Dribble some tomato sauce into and under your nose and ears, and and ask everyone you meet if they know anything about Ebola.