Uncle Drago's agony column

[classic33]

Dear Troubled of Tynemouth,

Twerking is where you huff cat bottoms in order to deliberately contract toxoplasmosis - I understand that this brings mild euphoria any time you see a cat afterwards.

If it makes you feel better I only recently learned what catfishing was, and was horrified to learn that I had been doing it wrong all along

Best wishes
Lucinda, 19.

Click here for my profile pics

Is that really you in those pictures!!

 

[Edwardoka]

Is that really you in those pictures!!

I wanted to continue but I must confess my life is lie.
I am 57 years old man named Yuri Yurievich from Russia. My love for you is real though
Pls deposit 100 BTC into my wallet so that I can fly over there and be with you
I will not give you up or let you down

 

[classic33]

I wanted to continue but I must confess my life is lie.
I am 57 years old man named Yuri Yurievich from Russia. My love for you is real though
Pls deposit 100 BTC into my wallet so that I can fly over there and be with you
I will not give you up or let you down

You don't fool me with that one, Yuri was born in 1987.

 

[classic33]

Dear Troubled,

I do believe tweaking is a code name for chasing the Dragon, itself a term used to divert listeners from conversations about the moonies. Your boy will need abducting and deprogramming. If you can't afford that, then a lobotomy should do the job.

Dear Uncle Drago,

You mis-understood/mis-read. It was "twerking" not "tweaking".

 

[Drago]

Ah, my apologies. Twerking is an illuminati recognition ritual. It would seem that you'd son is a senior member of an ancient cult which worships science and enlightenment, and violently resists everything else.

 

[DCLane]

Dear Uncle Drago,

You mis-understood/mis-read. It was "twerking" not "tweaking".

Worry greatly. It means he has been associating with folk from Yorkshire:

"Tha's bin t'werkin' agin?" which should read as "have you found gainful employment?"

A course of cultural education is urgently required or you will find the house occupied by ferrets and pigeons.

 

[Drago]

Yes, the Yorkshire branch of the illuminati. The illuminehupati.

 

[MikeG]

..........or you will find the house occupied by ferrets and pigeons.

Whippets. Don't forget the whippets.

 

[classic33]

Worry greatly. It means he has been associating with folk from Yorkshire:

"Tha's bin t'werkin' agin?" which should read as "have you found gainful employment?"

A course of cultural education is urgently required or you will find the house occupied by ferrets and pigeons.

What's wrong with Yorkshire folk?

 

[Drago]

Apart from their rampant illuminati membership and early death through either tannin poisoning or accidental clothcap stranglings, nothing at all.

 

[classic33]

Whippets. Don't forget the whippets.

Try a few down the trousers, then try forgetting them.

 

[MikeG]

What's wrong with Yorkshire folk?

Nothing. But Lancashire will be mighty pleased when that wall is built.

 

[classic33]

Nothing. But Lancashire will be mighty pleased when that wall is built.

They'll still be able to use the tunnels, to travel east. Very worrying.

 

[LeetleGreyCells]

They'll still be able to use the tunnels, to travel east. Very worrying.

Those tunnelling Lancastrians travelling east will no doubt run into ancient Tibetans travelling from the underground city of Shangri-la.

 

[Threevok]

Shangri-la ?

Isn't that an irate Telletubbie ?