Uncle Drago's agony column

[Drago]

I trust you wear garters with your socks?

 

[Andy in Germany]

Gawd, that carpet looks loppy... I cannot understand for the life of me why pubs have carpets.

Now I don't feel so bad that my first thought was "That oak table needs sanding and oiling".

 

[Jenkins]

Dear Uncle Drago,
My beer hound is looking anxiously at my pint and making passive aggressive noises.
Should I buy it a half of it's own?
View attachment 438877

Why only a half pint?

Somebody's got to stay (relatively) sober to guide the other back to the caravan!

 

[Edwardoka]

Dear Uncle Drago

I made a silly joke on a popular web forum and someone took it seriously.
How do I go about drawing attention to the fact it was a joke in as subtly offensive a way as possible without derailing the thread or getting the attention of the moderators?

Best wishes,
Edmund van Scheitposter

 

[Deleted member 26715]

Dear Edward,

There is a simple method to avoid this, stop posting in forums.

Regards

Drago's Little Helper

 

[stephec]

Dear Edward,

There is a simple method to avoid this, stop posting in forums.

Regards

Drago's Little Helper

That then begs the second question, to flounce or not to flounce?

 

[Deleted member 26715]

That then begs the second question, to flounce or not to flounce?

Flounce every time if you're good at it, just slope away if you're not

 

[classic33]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I've done something awful! I'm the manager of a growing media company. One of our most important suppliers is extremely difficult. I thought I was forwarding a tiresome e-mail she had sent me to a colleague with a string of (reasonable) criticism. Tragically, I sent it to her instead. What should I do? Oh God, it's so embarrassing.

D. Straught, Dorking

 

[Dave7]

Simple resolve.
Se

Dear Uncle Drago,

I've done something awful! I'm the manager of a growing media company. One of our most important suppliers is extremely difficult. I thought I was forwarding a tiresome e-mail she had sent me to a colleague with a string of (reasonable) criticism. Tragically, I sent it to her instead. What should I do? Oh God, it's so embarrassing.

D. Straught, Dorking

Simple resolve.
Send her a 2nd email saying......sorry about that misunderstanding. I would never deliberately send such an email to such a fat, ugly bag like you. She will immediately forget the 1st email.

 

[Edwardoka]

That then begs the second question, to flounce or not to flounce?

Edvald T. Scheißpøstur does not flounce. He posts this gif and becomes an unperson.

Spoiler

 

[Edwardoka]

Dear Edward,

There is a simple method to avoid this, stop posting in forums.

Regards

Drago's Little Helper

Dear Drago's Little Helper,

Thank you for your feedback,

I fear that you may be right. There is after all a place dedicated to making silly remarks in an attempt at injecting mild levity into Serious Business. I shall refrain until such times as the fine people of this constituency send me there as their representative.

Yours with deepest gratitude,
Edna de Yorrey-Humblepug

 

[GM]

Dear uncle Drago
Yesterday when I came home after my ride I must have smelt quite nice, as for the first time ever the dog started 'umping my leg rather rampantly. Should I be worried, or should I take it as a compliment.

 

[classic33]

Dear Uncle Drago,

I am almost completely flat chested and it’s ruining my life. I am so ashamed of my body that I can no longer do anything that involves a communal changing room, like swimming or other sport. I just can’t stand it when everyone takes their tops off and I am surrounded by huge, voluptuous, swinging breasts while all I have is a pair of fried eggs. It’s got so bad I have had to give up football. Is it an age thing? All my pals only seem to have blossomed in the last few years. Do you think mine will start growing soon? I’m 42. My wife says I have nothing to worry about and that I look fine but I just want to be one of the lads again.

Eggy,
Eaglesham.

 

[Drago]

Dear Eggy,

There are several routes to achieve you goal.

1. Implants. Expensive.

2. Synthol. Painful.

3. Fry up a for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Cheap, fun and effective.

 

[Deleted member 26715]

Don't worry Eggy they will be along soon & then you'll no tbe able to get rid of them