Uncle Drago's agony column

[Deleted member 35268]

Dear uncle Drago

What will the outcome of the Brexit negotiations mean for my hamster ?

thanks

Rooooster

 

[Drago]

Dear uncle Drago

What will the outcome of the Brexit negotiations mean for my hamster ?

thanks

Rooooster

The Brexit outcome is liable to mean a shortage of hamsters across Europe. If I were you I'd keep him under lock and key until the police catch up with Richard Gere.

 

[Cuchilo]

Dear Uncie Drago .
Its getting close to bed time and i cant decide if i should wear my spidey man jammies or my bat man jammies .
My favorite are the superman jammies but i wet the bed last night and they are still wet .
Spidey or battty ?
45 years old in Hanworth .

 

[Slioch]

Dear Uncle Drago,
Following a minor infraction of "The Rules" during an otherwise pleasant day out in Whitby, Mrs S has refused to have marital relationships with me for the last 6 months. As a result, my gonads are now the size of Kim Kardashian's arse cheeks, and my Strava rating is suffering due to the decrease in my aerodynamic profile.
As you are undoubtedly an experienced man of the world, can you please advise how I may best circumvent this impasse or, failing that, recommend any websites that you think may be of assistance?
Hopefully yours
Buster

 

[Drago]

Dear Uncle Drago,
Following a minor infraction of "The Rules" during an otherwise pleasant day out in Whitby, Mrs S has refused to have marital relationships with me for the last 6 months. As a result, my gonads are now the size of Kim Kardashian's arse cheeks, and my Strava rating is suffering due to the decrease in my aerodynamic profile.
As you are undoubtedly an experienced man of the world, can you please advise how I may best circumvent this impasse or, failing that, recommend any websites that you think may be of assistance?
Hopefully yours
Buster

Does she have any sisters who can help ease the swelling?

 

[Slow But Determined]

Uncle Drago,

What is the best way to clean my helmet?

 

[classic33]

Dear Uncle Drago

Recently my wife attended a hen party on the Isle of Wight. After several drinks she began a game with another woman on the pub snooker table. She claims to have had a break of 155. Is this possible?

Additionally she then went on to play darts and claims to have achieved a nine dart finish, whatever that was.

Mr. Nick Swarzkopf

 

[Slioch]

Does she have any sisters who can help ease the swelling?

She has a large number of Sisters, and a Mother Superior. I'll pay the convent a visit tomorrow and ask them if they can lend a hand.
Thanks

 

[classic33]

Dear Drago,

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice.

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says "just some friends from work, you don't know them".

I try to stay awake and look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her. Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with 'the girls.'

When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack on the top tube of my best carbon bike.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the shop where I bought it?

Regards,
Troubled, from Tooting

 

[Slow But Determined]

Uncle Drago,

Why do all the people on re-runs of Bullseye look a right bunch of tw-ts?

 

[classic33]

Uncle Drago,

Why do all the people on re-runs of Bullseye look a right bunch of tw-ts?

Don't watch the re-runs. What you don't see can't worry you.

 

[PK99]

Uncle Drago,

What is the best way to clean my helmet?

Polish with Johnson's Baby oil

 

[classic33]

Polish with Johnson's Baby oil

Will that not ruin the finish?

 

[rikki]

Will that not ruin the finish?

That's terrible.

 

[Deleted member 35268]

Dear Drago,

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice.

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says "just some friends from work, you don't know them".

I try to stay awake and look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her. Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with 'the girls.'

When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack on the top tube of my best carbon bike.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the shop where I bought it?

Regards,
Troubled, from Tooting

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOL