True Facts About Chris Rea

[Moon bunny]

It has been noted up thread about Chris Rea playing the part of Maria the twist being Maria is transgender sex change .
Chris does have some concerns about having to wear a pr of comedy prosthetic breasts, shaving his lustrous beard, and the necessary operation to remove his most treasured 'little' Willie, but he is well into his 80's , and the little fella isn't quite up to it these days.
Drago is down to play Rolf the telegram me boy, , he does so enjoy the dressing up in lederhosen.

It’s a gender-neutral rewrite, breaking the societal norms of female nuns and male naval officers-Rene Zellwegger is playing Captain Von Trappe- with the children of various races.

 

[yello]

There is a variety of aubergine named after Chris.... um, one of them.

 

[stephec]

Today is Chris Rea's birthday, that's actually true according to the I newspaper.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea was the special fx guy for Raiders of the Lost Ark ; he used auberge radiation to melt the faces of the Nazis.

He wants to go several orders of magnitude more powerful when he melts Rolf, a suitable revenge for "Sixteen going on Seventeen" , but there's a small risk of the bon Trapps and all of Salzberg falling into a singularity.

True story, on a walking tour of Salzburg, the guide pointed out the view/direction the Von Trapps fled in, and then announced it led straight to Germany!!
Anyway back on track, Chris Rea is, with the backing of Hollywood, and in true Hollywood fashion doing a full remake of The Sound of Music, but set in an alternative time, where the Nazi's invaded Britain, and the story is moved to Middlesbrough, The Von Rea's employ a Nun as a nanny from the Sisters of The Order of The Greasy Parmo Convent, in central Middlesbrough, being musical the nun, Maria, fits in well, allowing the Von Rea Family to win a talent contest at Middlesbrough F.C's Riverside Stadium, they make their escape, whilst Chris' mate Paul Rodgers & his band, Bad Company are onstage, his other good mate, Roy "Chubby" Brown acts as a lookout, Chris Rea is working tirelessly to rewrite the songs,, and has written in the Time Transit for the families escape to the Freestate of North Yorkshire, via the Transporter Bridge, and sanctuary at Whitby Abbey, where they enjoy Fish & Chips to takeaway, with scraps and a pickled egg, from the Magpie Chippy.
The Film is set for nationwide release in autumn 2026.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is hoping Middlesbrough Council planning department give permission for an extension to the TURDIS as he is hoping to bring back a wooly mammoth.

 

[grldtnr]

True story, on a walking tour of Salzburg, the guide pointed out the view/direction the Von Trapps fled in, and then announced it led straight to Germany!!
Anyway back on track, Chris Rea is, with the backing of Hollywood, and in true Hollywood fashion doing a full remake of The Sound of Music, but set in an alternative time, where the Nazi's invaded Britain, and the story is moved to Middlesbrough, The Von Rea's employ a Nun as a nanny from the Sisters of The Order of The Greasy Parmo Convent, in central Middlesbrough, being musical the nun, Maria, fits in well, allowing the Von Rea Family to win a talent contest at Middlesbrough F.C's Riverside Stadium, they make their escape, whilst Chris' mate Paul Rodgers & his band, Bad Company are onstage, his other good mate, Roy "Chubby" Brown acts as a lookout, Chris Rea is working tirelessly to rewrite the songs,, and has written in the Time Transit for the families escape to the Freestate of North Yorkshire, via the Transporter Bridge, and sanctuary at Whitby Abbey, where they enjoy Fish & Chips to takeaway, with scraps and a pickled egg, from the Magpie Chippy.
The Film is set for nationwide release in autumn 2026.

Can't wait ! Hopefully the Sarfend Odeon will still be running the seniors Tuesday cheapo matinée, ...... can't be doing paying full bob ,for what may be a crap movie.
I mean no reference to the Luxuriant beardy weirdly one, ....but every acting gig his had have been dross . perhaps this one will be different.
I don't hold much hope.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea is hoping Middlesbrough Council planning department give permission for an extension to the TURDIS as he is hoping to bring back a wooly mammoth.

When questioned by the council as to where he intended to keep the mammoth during the day, he said it would be tethered on the local grass verges, where it would quite happily eat all the overgrown grass, thereby saving the cost of mowing the grass for the council, Chris did say that if it pooped on the dual pedestrian/cycle path that pedestrians & cyclists would have to treat it as a roundabout, and give way to the right, the public would also be able to take some away, so that their garden plants would benefit too, Chris also hopes to take it to the beach in summer where it will give rides up and down the beach, whilst the attached ghetto blaster will have “On The Beach” playing on a loop, and that it will pull Santa’s sleigh around the local estates at Christmas, while the ghetto blaster plays “Driving Home For Xmas” Chris hopes that the donations and charging for rides will mean his new pet will be very economical to look after, pet plan have called in actuaries to work out the cost of the beasts pet insurance

 

[lazybloke]

Happy birthday Chris Rea!

 

[lazybloke]

Not to be outdone by Colossal Bioscience, Chris Rea fired up the time circuits and popped back 40,000 years to retrieve some wooly mammoths, with the idea using genetic engineering to breed a tiny version to keep as pets. Their little fluffy faces and tusks would be so much cuter than boring pet mice.

Arriving back in modern day Middlesbrough to unload the mammoths into a breeding enclosure (his garden shed), disaster struck: both mammoths bolted at the sight of a real mouse.

They were last seen rampaging through Billingham.

A 74 year old man is helping police with their enquiries.

 

[grldtnr]

Not so much an Elephant in the room..........more a mamoth rampaging through Billingham, well 2 of them !!!

 

[Drago]

Happy birthday Chris Rea!

Happy 488th Birthday to the great beardmeister.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has converted his beard to solar power

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea left a burning bag of dog poop on Richard Madeley's doorstep.

Unfortunately Madeley was at the Co-Op filling his trolley with champagne, and Judy Finnigan came rushing out in her nighty causing Rea to be sick in his beard.

 

[grldtnr]

This feud with Madely has nothing on Accy cyclist fence wars with his neighbours'.
Mind you,Madely isn't a 'smoggie' neighbour.
Reckon Chris could get a tip or two from Lord Accrington of Stanley , but I 'd steer clear of any sartorial advice Sarky advice,of course....

 

[Drago]

After falling out with @Accy cyclist at a poker game, Chris Rea now spends his time visiting charity shops and buying up all the tweed garments he can find.