Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Chris is currently visiting the summer solstice as Chief Druid. He’ll be visiting this Solstice at the next summer solstice. He does this to mess with our brains.
True Facts About Chris Rea
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Stonehenge was erected by ancient Britons as a temple inspired by sightings of Chris Rea's time craft. Each stone is a rough-hewn representation of the TURDIS.
grldtnr
Über Member
Every knows the Royal Albert hall ,as a premier concert hall, and events venue, with it's iconic dome, Chris may even have gigged there, but with I'll gotten gains from his time travelling he had it built so it could be the world's biggest pink Blamonge / jelly mould, which was his intention.
But due to a matnmatical error there was a mix up with the measurements, it was ought to be built in imperial inches but somehow whilst furkerling around with Napoleon's missus ,Josephine the plans got writ up as metric, he had time travelled to witness Boney's failed Russia campaign,and the Empress Josephine's beauty spot fell onto the plans. Causing the decimal point to read in the wrong place.
For what was supposed to be Quart jelly mould turned out to be several metric litres of pink Blamonge.
Chris realised it couldn't realistically be filled, so had it converted to a music venue instead.
But due to a matnmatical error there was a mix up with the measurements, it was ought to be built in imperial inches but somehow whilst furkerling around with Napoleon's missus ,Josephine the plans got writ up as metric, he had time travelled to witness Boney's failed Russia campaign,and the Empress Josephine's beauty spot fell onto the plans. Causing the decimal point to read in the wrong place.
For what was supposed to be Quart jelly mould turned out to be several metric litres of pink Blamonge.
Chris realised it couldn't realistically be filled, so had it converted to a music venue instead.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea's man servants name is Albert Hall.
grldtnr
Über Member
Ah! The things you write up when drunk and it's gone midnight !
I'll not redact which I wrote , it's blatantly an untruth, but that's what this thread is all about, isn't it , fib's true fibs about Chris Rea and his infernal time travelling!
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
It is a little known fact that the the spans of Tower Bridge are deigned and sized to allow a TURDIS with Auberge Field set to maximum to pass underneath safely at high tide.
grldtnr
Über Member
Chris uses ''Red Diesel: to run the Time aTransit, even if he isn't legally allowed seeing as he isnt a money laundering rich 'farmer' he bought his land to shoot Bluebottle flies with rubber bands.
The Porta Potty runs of methane, ever since that incidence when he left it unlocked,, the commodious internals can stuff away a lot of turds., which reacts with the Jeyes fluid in the tanks, which makes the methane,
It's very economical, he only needs to top it up with a single daily crap for it to self fuel
The Porta Potty runs of methane, ever since that incidence when he left it unlocked,, the commodious internals can stuff away a lot of turds., which reacts with the Jeyes fluid in the tanks, which makes the methane,
It's very economical, he only needs to top it up with a single daily crap for it to self fuel
lazybloke
Ginger biscuits and cheddar
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
Into the correct thread this time:
At 2:14am Eastern Time on August 29th 1997, Chris Rea's beard became self-aware.
At 2:14am Eastern Time on August 29th 1997, Chris Rea's beard became self-aware.
Moon bunny
Judging your grammar
- Location
- Basking in my own brilliance.
Can I have some, pretty please?
grldtnr
Über Member
Chris has loaded a spoon full , and has flicked it off in your general direction
Be wary when opening the front door or window without looking. For you may get a face full, if your not expecting it.
grldtnr
Über Member
High priest of the Cult of Chris Rea, you should know there is no wrong thread to post true facts( fibs !) about the omnipotent Beardy Weirdy ,lord and not exactly saviour.
Seeing as he is omnipotent, he is every where, every time.,all the time!
grldtnr
Über Member
Chris is a leading light in a shady organisation, LALA., Whose chief aim is to rid the world of Liquorice Allsorts, especially those hard black ones.
The League Against Liquorice Allsorts seek to eradicate Liquorice Allsorts, by the simple aim of eating them, so if that bag has misteriously disappeared ,you can guess it was Chris or name sake Christopher Biggins, other prime foodstuffs such as famously Tinned pineapple chunks, and Forseights Pease pudding is on the danger list.
But it may be thankless quest with Liquorice Allsorts
The League Against Liquorice Allsorts seek to eradicate Liquorice Allsorts, by the simple aim of eating them, so if that bag has misteriously disappeared ,you can guess it was Chris or name sake Christopher Biggins, other prime foodstuffs such as famously Tinned pineapple chunks, and Forseights Pease pudding is on the danger list.
But it may be thankless quest with Liquorice Allsorts
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea is saving for a new CyberTURDIS, stainless steel bodywork and bulletproof glass.
