True Facts About Chris Rea

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea was in the dressing room before a concert recently when he was approached someone who looked like dirty rumpled tramp who had somehow evaded security. Annoyed that he was being bothered by the masses, he reached into his pocket and got out his favourite pen - one of those four-colour Bics - to sign an autograph. He was surprised to see that the tramp had done the same, and what's more had the same kind of pen.

It turned out there was a full length mirror in his dressing room.

Could never have been Accy of this parish, Cordings' heavy tweed doesn't crease & crumple, so perhaps it was Aer Sirhc, his mirror image

 

[DRM]

Once again, The Turdis and it's shonky homing system has wreaked havoc, instead of materialising at the Teesport Time Travel Megabase, it appeared over the French governed island of Mayonne, just north of Madagascar, as the Turdis appeared, the Auberge field flux capacitor threw a major wobbly as well, the resulting explosive shock wave caused a huge cyclone, which has devestated the island, Emmanuel Macron made a state visit but was heckled by the islanders for a lack of aid, the French President Said " It wasn't me, you can blame me, but it wasn't me" but under his breath said "It was that English git Rea"

 

[Drago]

The reason for Emmanuelle Macrons diminutive height is because Chris Rea dressed in a blonde wig and married him, and then fed him on a nutrient free diet.

Macron's wife's beard should have been a giveaway, but being French efrryone assumed it was normal.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris is currently visiting the summer solstice as Chief Druid. He’ll be visiting this Solstice at the next summer solstice. He does this to mess with our brains.

 

[Drago]

Stonehenge was erected by ancient Britons as a temple inspired by sightings of Chris Rea's time craft. Each stone is a rough-hewn representation of the TURDIS.

 

[grldtnr]

Every knows the Royal Albert hall ,as a premier concert hall, and events venue, with it's iconic dome, Chris may even have gigged there, but with I'll gotten gains from his time travelling he had it built so it could be the world's biggest pink Blamonge / jelly mould, which was his intention.
But due to a matnmatical error there was a mix up with the measurements, it was ought to be built in imperial inches but somehow whilst furkerling around with Napoleon's missus ,Josephine the plans got writ up as metric, he had time travelled to witness Boney's failed Russia campaign,and the Empress Josephine's beauty spot fell onto the plans. Causing the decimal point to read in the wrong place.
For what was supposed to be Quart jelly mould turned out to be several metric litres of pink Blamonge.
Chris realised it couldn't realistically be filled, so had it converted to a music venue instead.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's man servants name is Albert Hall.

 

[grldtnr]

Every knows the Royal Albert hall ,as a premier concert hall, and events venue, with it's iconic dome, Chris may even have gigged there, but with I'll gotten gains from his time travelling he had it built so it could be the world's biggest pink Blamonge / jelly mould, which was his intention.
But due to a matnmatical error there was a mix up with the measurements, it was ought to be built in imperial inches but somehow whilst furkerling around with Napoleon's missus ,Josephine the plans got writ up as metric, he had time travelled to witness Boney's failed Russia campaign,and the Empress Josephine's beauty spot fell onto the plans. Causing the decimal point to read in the wrong place.
For what was supposed to be Quart jelly mould turned out to be several metric litres of pink Blamonge.
Chris realised it couldn't realistically be filled, so had it converted to a music venue instead.

Ah! The things you write up when drunk and it's gone midnight !
I'll not redact which I wrote , it's blatantly an untruth, but that's what this thread is all about, isn't it , fib's true fibs about Chris Rea and his infernal time travelling!

 

[Drago]

It is a little known fact that the the spans of Tower Bridge are deigned and sized to allow a TURDIS with Auberge Field set to maximum to pass underneath safely at high tide.

 

[grldtnr]

But will it fit thru' Traitors gate????

 

[grldtnr]

Chris uses ''Red Diesel: to run the Time aTransit, even if he isn't legally allowed seeing as he isnt a money laundering rich 'farmer' he bought his land to shoot Bluebottle flies with rubber bands.
The Porta Potty runs of methane, ever since that incidence when he left it unlocked,, the commodious internals can stuff away a lot of turds., which reacts with the Jeyes fluid in the tanks, which makes the methane,
It's very economical, he only needs to top it up with a single daily crap for it to self fuel

 

[lazybloke]

Into the correct thread this time:

At 2:14am Eastern Time on August 29th 1997, Chris Rea's beard became self-aware.

 

[Moon bunny]

Every knows the Royal Albert hall ,as a premier concert hall, and events venue, with it's iconic dome, Chris may even have gigged there, but with I'll gotten gains from his time travelling he had it built so it could be the world's biggest pink Blamonge / jelly mould, which was his intention.
But due to a matnmatical error there was a mix up with the measurements, it was ought to be built in imperial inches but somehow whilst furkerling around with Napoleon's missus ,Josephine the plans got writ up as metric, he had time travelled to witness Boney's failed Russia campaign,and the Empress Josephine's beauty spot fell onto the plans. Causing the decimal point to read in the wrong place.
For what was supposed to be Quart jelly mould turned out to be several metric litres of pink Blamonge.
Chris realised it couldn't realistically be filled, so had it converted to a music venue instead.

Can I have some, pretty please?

 

[grldtnr]

Can I have some, pretty please?

Chris has loaded a spoon full , and has flicked it off in your general direction
Be wary when opening the front door or window without looking. For you may get a face full, if your not expecting it.

 

[grldtnr]

Into the correct thread this time:

At 2:14am Eastern Time on August 29th 1997, Chris Rea's beard became self-aware.

High priest of the Cult of Chris Rea, you should know there is no wrong thread to post true facts( fibs !) about the omnipotent Beardy Weirdy ,lord and not exactly saviour.
Seeing as he is omnipotent, he is every where, every time.,all the time!