True Facts About Chris Rea

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea was in the dressing room before a concert recently when he was approached someone who looked like dirty rumpled tramp who had somehow evaded security. Annoyed that he was being bothered by the masses, he reached into his pocket and got out his favourite pen - one of those four-colour Bics - to sign an autograph. He was surprised to see that the tramp had done the same, and what's more had the same kind of pen.

It turned out there was a full length mirror in his dressing room.

Could never have been Accy of this parish, Cordings' heavy tweed doesn't crease & crumple, so perhaps it was Aer Sirhc, his mirror image

 

[DRM]

Once again, The Turdis and it's shonky homing system has wreaked havoc, instead of materialising at the Teesport Time Travel Megabase, it appeared over the French governed island of Mayonne, just north of Madagascar, as the Turdis appeared, the Auberge field flux capacitor threw a major wobbly as well, the resulting explosive shock wave caused a huge cyclone, which has devestated the island, Emmanuel Macron made a state visit but was heckled by the islanders for a lack of aid, the French President Said " It wasn't me, you can blame me, but it wasn't me" but under his breath said "It was that English git Rea"

 

[Drago]

The reason for Emmanuelle Macrons diminutive height is because Chris Rea dressed in a blonde wig and married him, and then fed him on a nutrient free diet.

Macron's wife's beard should have been a giveaway, but being French efrryone assumed it was normal.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris is currently visiting the summer solstice as Chief Druid. He’ll be visiting this Solstice at the next summer solstice. He does this to mess with our brains.

 

[Drago]

Stonehenge was erected by ancient Britons as a temple inspired by sightings of Chris Rea's time craft. Each stone is a rough-hewn representation of the TURDIS.