True Facts About Chris Rea

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea maintains, he is innocent of the Guilford pub bombings, on account he didn't perfect the Porta potty untill the summer of '76,:.….. we can all see the gaping holes in that claim, especially since his night time accident with his nightglass , it's obvious,ever since he stumbled on the missing ingredient of Newkie brown that he is implicated.
And we know he has been wishing in it out of various time portals ever since.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris' first ever acting role, see if you can spot him?

 

[DRM]

In another geographical reappearance error, The Turdis appeared in Moscow, in the early hours of Tuesday 17th December, just as a Top Russian General was leaving work, to go home on his electric scooter, the auberge field burp, reacted with the Lithium Ion battery of the scooter, multiplying the explosive power of the battery, the General died instantly when the cheap chinese scooter exploded, Putin is even more furious now with Chris Rea, but has no idea of how to locate him

 

[grldtnr]

In another geographical reappearance error, The Turdis appeared in Moscow, in the early hours of Tuesday 17th December, just as a Top Russian General was leaving work, to go home on his electric scooter, the auberge field burp, reacted with the Lithium Ion battery of the scooter, multiplying the explosive power of the battery, the General died instantly when the cheap chinese scooter exploded, Putin is even more furious now with Chris Rea, but has no idea of how to locate him

Nor what remains of the Russian General, his all over the Red Square , there lies the problem , the Sq is red, so is whats left of General Lobotmov..

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea invented the CR2032 battery.

In his honour it was named after his initials and the year in which he invented it.

 

[grldtnr]

In another geographical reappearance error, The Turdis appeared in Moscow, in the early hours of Tuesday 17th December, just as a Top Russian General was leaving work, to go home on his electric scooter, the auberge field burp, reacted with the Lithium Ion battery of the scooter, multiplying the explosive power of the battery, the General died instantly when the cheap chinese scooter exploded, Putin is even more furious now with Chris Rea, but has no idea of how to locate him

I've heard that Putin wishes to offer a penthouse apartment to Chris Rea , the building has huge windows , without balconies, and very swish polished marble floors, ( an 'accident' waiting to happen, ) also unlimited , samples of a brand of confectionery ' Novo Chocks'.......
President Putin is all sweetness and light towards Chris, and has set up an armed guard to feed the parking meter for which ever 'Time travel ' machine he uses to get to the Kremlin....
Understandbly our ' Anti - Hero's is very cautious indeed.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has adorned the TURDIS with Christmas lights and his recent tips through US airspace appear to have been mistaken for something entirely different...

 

[Tribansman]

During his previous modelling career he was known as Chris Rear

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea uses the TURDIS to abduct hillbillies for hideous sex experiments.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea uses the TURDIS to abduct hillbillies for hideous sex experiments.

I heard it was the other way around, that's why Chris avoids the southern United states, he forever squeals like a pig since his last visit .

 

[Drago]

In episode 4 of Season 3 of the A Team, BA Baracus makes a perfect working replica of Chris Rea's TURDIS for an old milk churn a pack of AA batteries and a sex toy. It was an incredible stroke of luck that the character was imprisoned in a fully equipped workshop.

 

[grldtnr]

I heard it was the other way around, that's why Chris avoids the southern United states, he forever squeals like a pig since his last visit .

He can't even stand a sight of a banjo, let alone hearing one.
Must have had a very unnerving experience with one

 

[Illaveago]

Breaking News!
Chris has just announced a new release for Christmas.
Chris has teamed up with Richard Clayderman who will be providing vocals whilst Chris provides backing on bagpipes. This should be a new and exciting venture a sound never experienced before!

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's new Chrismas show co-starring Gary Glitter has been cancelled. The market researchers decided that no one wants to see Chris Rea on tv.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea is furiously claiming that his discovery that the lost city of Atlantis is in fact Redcar is being suppressed by the Deep State.

This comes after the Discovery Channel declined to make a 10 part series about it.

A representative of Discovery Channel said "It's a little known fact that we actually do have standards. We don't just televise any old batshit nonsense. Admittedly, we do set the bar pretty low, so it's exceedingly rare for us ever to decline a raving nutjob with a theory, but this is one of those rare cases."