True Facts About Chris Rea

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea in an attempt to recreate Auberge field explosive power with ordinary household chemicals like bleach ,Ammonia and garden fertilizer, couldn't replicate it, so left it in a glass on his nightstand, popped his dentures in it, and went to sleep.
Predictably he woke in the night, with a mouth like a budgies cage, after too much Newkie Brown,without putting his glasses on , necked what he thought was his nighttime glass of water, which caused him to let rip an enormous botty burp ,near as powerfull as the Auberge field big bang.
He is currently sat on a rubber ring , is sphinchter in shreds with a huge tin of Germaloids humming along to his favourite Johnny Cash song ,' 'Ring of Fire'

... He's not going to ask for chemistry set for Christmas......

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has plans for his own brand of Christmas Crackers, called Chrismas CReackers. Instead of going bang they make a kind of bluesy twang noise.

He has raised £9.42 on kickstarter so far.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea has plans for his own brand of Christmas Crackers, called Chrismas CReackers. Instead of going bang they make a kind of bluesy twang noise.

He has raised £9.42 on kickstarter so far.

...further to that, he holds copy right over every Christmas cracker motto or joke in the world, no wonder they are so dire.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea maintains, he is innocent of the Guilford pub bombings, on account he didn't perfect the Porta potty untill the summer of '76,:.….. we can all see the gaping holes in that claim, especially since his night time accident with his nightglass , it's obvious,ever since he stumbled on the missing ingredient of Newkie brown that he is implicated.
And we know he has been wishing in it out of various time portals ever since.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris' first ever acting role, see if you can spot him?

 

[DRM]

In another geographical reappearance error, The Turdis appeared in Moscow, in the early hours of Tuesday 17th December, just as a Top Russian General was leaving work, to go home on his electric scooter, the auberge field burp, reacted with the Lithium Ion battery of the scooter, multiplying the explosive power of the battery, the General died instantly when the cheap chinese scooter exploded, Putin is even more furious now with Chris Rea, but has no idea of how to locate him

 

[grldtnr]

In another geographical reappearance error, The Turdis appeared in Moscow, in the early hours of Tuesday 17th December, just as a Top Russian General was leaving work, to go home on his electric scooter, the auberge field burp, reacted with the Lithium Ion battery of the scooter, multiplying the explosive power of the battery, the General died instantly when the cheap chinese scooter exploded, Putin is even more furious now with Chris Rea, but has no idea of how to locate him

Nor what remains of the Russian General, his all over the Red Square , there lies the problem , the Sq is red, so is whats left of General Lobotmov..

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea invented the CR2032 battery.

In his honour it was named after his initials and the year in which he invented it.

 

[grldtnr]

In another geographical reappearance error, The Turdis appeared in Moscow, in the early hours of Tuesday 17th December, just as a Top Russian General was leaving work, to go home on his electric scooter, the auberge field burp, reacted with the Lithium Ion battery of the scooter, multiplying the explosive power of the battery, the General died instantly when the cheap chinese scooter exploded, Putin is even more furious now with Chris Rea, but has no idea of how to locate him

I've heard that Putin wishes to offer a penthouse apartment to Chris Rea , the building has huge windows , without balconies, and very swish polished marble floors, ( an 'accident' waiting to happen, ) also unlimited , samples of a brand of confectionery ' Novo Chocks'.......
President Putin is all sweetness and light towards Chris, and has set up an armed guard to feed the parking meter for which ever 'Time travel ' machine he uses to get to the Kremlin....
Understandbly our ' Anti - Hero's is very cautious indeed.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has adorned the TURDIS with Christmas lights and his recent tips through US airspace appear to have been mistaken for something entirely different...

 

[Tribansman]

During his previous modelling career he was known as Chris Rear

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea uses the TURDIS to abduct hillbillies for hideous sex experiments.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea uses the TURDIS to abduct hillbillies for hideous sex experiments.

I heard it was the other way around, that's why Chris avoids the southern United states, he forever squeals like a pig since his last visit .

 

[Drago]

In episode 4 of Season 3 of the A Team, BA Baracus makes a perfect working replica of Chris Rea's TURDIS for an old milk churn a pack of AA batteries and a sex toy. It was an incredible stroke of luck that the character was imprisoned in a fully equipped workshop.

 

[grldtnr]

I heard it was the other way around, that's why Chris avoids the southern United states, he forever squeals like a pig since his last visit .

He can't even stand a sight of a banjo, let alone hearing one.
Must have had a very unnerving experience with one