True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

Word is down Soho that Chris Rea prefers a small gash.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea is due in court next week, he is suing Asda for vandalizing his Xmas pension pot boosting song, as a fully trained barrister he is hoping that Asda will get rid of the singing in the ad as he says it sounds like a very drunk hobo having a seizure, as well as tipping up a huge amount of compensation to fund his next time travel project

 

[Drago]

My research has unearthed a 1985 tv ad for the Ford Fiesta by Chris Rea.

Th accompanying song, Fool if You Think of a Nova sounded familiar...

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea is due in court next week, he is suing Asda for vandalizing his Xmas pension pot boosting song, as a fully trained barrister he is hoping that Asda will get rid of the singing in the ad as he says it sounds like a very drunk hobo having a seizure, as well as tipping up a huge amount of compensation to fund his next time travel project

That was Drago ,on the QT, and not some drunken hobo gnome, travelling home for Chrimbo, except hobo's don't have a gnome to go too....

 

[DRM]

It seems that the Time Transit wasn't Chris Rea's first foray into converting a van into a time travel machine, the Mk1 version was based on an old Bedford CF Ice Cream Van, he was hoping to visit historical events to sell 99's & lollies to any bystanders, however as it was so unreliable he carried The Turdis on specially made custom towball frame to use as an escape capsule, as it was it did conk out, and was abandoned who knows where, it was found by an ancient civilisation, who managed to get it going, using the blueprints Chris left in it, these people eventually appeared in Nashville where they kidnapped Dolly Parton and forced her to record a song with them, the Tennesee Police Dept are still looking for these people, and their old right hand drive Ice Cream Van, on British number plates, who claimed to be the "justified Ancients of Mu Mu" Dolly is on record saying that they were actually very nice people, Chris Rea denies all knowledge of this vehicle

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea invented the 99 ice cream.

The early prototype, the 69, was a huge success in Ibiza.

 

[Drago]

Striking French Fisherman are again blockading the ports, and have now adopted the Chris Rea song Fool if You're Going to Dover as their anthem.

 

[raleighnut]

Where were you on the morning of June 5th 1874?

Listening to Al Stewart

 

[Tribansman]

When he gets home he's known as Rich Arse for always bringing ostentatiously expensive but unwanted gifts for the family

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea successfully sued Mr T for $40,000,000 in lost royalties over T's rap song, I Pity the Fool if You Think it's Over.

 

[Grant Fondo]

Australian country singer Lee Kernaghan's cover outsells the Chris Rea original every year in the Solomon Islands

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea has the spooky ability to appear exactly the same size when viewed through either end of a telescope 🔭

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has a morbid fear of Ray Mears.

 

[Drago]

In the serious BBC wartime drama, 'allo 'allo, Rene Artois punchline was originally going to be "you stupid fool."

However, during the court case Chris Rea v Mr T the judge awarded Rea ownership of the word fool. The BBC, having no money left over from lurking outside the toilets on Hampstead Heath and giving jobs as DJ's and tv presenters to any passing pervert, couldn't afford to licence the word fool from Rea, changed Rene Artois' punchline to you stupid woman.

Meanwhile BA Baracus changed his punchline to I pity the judge.

Completely coincidenatlly, Judge Backhander was found dead at his desk among a load of discarded gold jewellery.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea isn't Geordie, not a lot of people know that