True Facts About Chris Rea
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
It seems that the Time Transit wasn't Chris Rea's first foray into converting a van into a time travel machine, the Mk1 version was based on an old Bedford CF Ice Cream Van, he was hoping to visit historical events to sell 99's & lollies to any bystanders, however as it was so unreliable he carried The Turdis on specially made custom towball frame to use as an escape capsule, as it was it did conk out, and was abandoned who knows where, it was found by an ancient civilisation, who managed to get it going, using the blueprints Chris left in it, these people eventually appeared in Nashville where they kidnapped Dolly Parton and forced her to record a song with them, the Tennesee Police Dept are still looking for these people, and their old right hand drive Ice Cream Van, on British number plates, who claimed to be the "justified Ancients of Mu Mu" Dolly is on record saying that they were actually very nice people, Chris Rea denies all knowledge of this vehicle
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea invented the 99 ice cream.
The early prototype, the 69, was a huge success in Ibiza.
The early prototype, the 69, was a huge success in Ibiza.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Striking French Fisherman are again blockading the ports, and have now adopted the Chris Rea song Fool if You're Going to Dover as their anthem.
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
Listening to Al Stewart
Tribansman
Veteran
When he gets home he's known as Rich Arse for always bringing ostentatiously expensive but unwanted gifts for the family
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea successfully sued Mr T for $40,000,000 in lost royalties over T's rap song, I Pity the Fool if You Think it's Over.
Grant Fondo
Guru
- Location
- Cheshire
Australian country singer Lee Kernaghan's cover outsells the Chris Rea original every year in the Solomon Islands
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
Chris Rea has a morbid fear of Ray Mears.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
In the serious BBC wartime drama, 'allo 'allo, Rene Artois punchline was originally going to be "you stupid fool."
However, during the court case Chris Rea v Mr T the judge awarded Rea ownership of the word fool. The BBC, having no money left over from lurking outside the toilets on Hampstead Heath and giving jobs as DJ's and tv presenters to any passing pervert, couldn't afford to licence the word fool from Rea, changed Rene Artois' punchline to you stupid woman.
Meanwhile BA Baracus changed his punchline to I pity the judge.
Completely coincidenatlly, Judge Backhander was found dead at his desk among a load of discarded gold jewellery.
However, during the court case Chris Rea v Mr T the judge awarded Rea ownership of the word fool. The BBC, having no money left over from lurking outside the toilets on Hampstead Heath and giving jobs as DJ's and tv presenters to any passing pervert, couldn't afford to licence the word fool from Rea, changed Rene Artois' punchline to you stupid woman.
Meanwhile BA Baracus changed his punchline to I pity the judge.
Completely coincidenatlly, Judge Backhander was found dead at his desk among a load of discarded gold jewellery.
grldtnr
Über Member
Chris Rea in an attempt to recreate Auberge field explosive power with ordinary household chemicals like bleach ,Ammonia and garden fertilizer, couldn't replicate it, so left it in a glass on his nightstand, popped his dentures in it, and went to sleep.
Predictably he woke in the night, with a mouth like a budgies cage, after too much Newkie Brown,without putting his glasses on , necked what he thought was his nighttime glass of water, which caused him to let rip an enormous botty burp ,near as powerfull as the Auberge field big bang.
He is currently sat on a rubber ring , is sphinchter in shreds with a huge tin of Germaloids humming along to his favourite Johnny Cash song ,' 'Ring of Fire'
... He's not going to ask for chemistry set for Christmas......
Predictably he woke in the night, with a mouth like a budgies cage, after too much Newkie Brown,without putting his glasses on , necked what he thought was his nighttime glass of water, which caused him to let rip an enormous botty burp ,near as powerfull as the Auberge field big bang.
He is currently sat on a rubber ring , is sphinchter in shreds with a huge tin of Germaloids humming along to his favourite Johnny Cash song ,' 'Ring of Fire'
... He's not going to ask for chemistry set for Christmas......
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
Chris Rea has plans for his own brand of Christmas Crackers, called Chrismas CReackers. Instead of going bang they make a kind of bluesy twang noise.
He has raised £9.42 on kickstarter so far.
He has raised £9.42 on kickstarter so far.
grldtnr
Über Member
...further to that, he holds copy right over every Christmas cracker motto or joke in the world, no wonder they are so dire.
