True Facts About Chris Rea

[DRM]

More ancient biblical texts have been discovered regarding the nativity, it seems that as well as impersonating a wise man on a Camel, Chris Rea suggested to Joseph, and the 2 wise men that they went round to the inn to wet the baby’s head, not only did they wet the baby’s head, they also wet it’s arms, legs & torso, after having a skin full, the four drunks decided to go outside, where they thought it would be fun to do timed laps of the inn, on various Camels, donkeys and asses, tied up outside, along with drunken singing, of rugby songs, that Chris taught them, this led to the Roman Guards arresting them, for being drunk & disorderly, being in charge of various animals whilst drunk, riding various animals without a license or insurance, taking animals without the owners consent, this led to Mary & Joseph having an almighty row, after they were let out the following day, Chris decided not to hang about, left the camel where it was, and absconded back to modern day Middlesbrough, he did go back in time to 1986 and told his mate Shane MacGowan about what had happened, Shane wrote a song about it called Fairytale of Bethlehem, but was made to move the narrative to New York by his record company

 

[Ming the Merciless]

The immaculate conception was no no such thing. The baby was named after Chris Rea. But as Mary could not understand his accent, it ended up being Christ.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea is a big fan of Geoff Capes, but he misunderstood Geaff's passion for breeding g Budgies.....one misjudged sojourn in the porta -potty saw him materialize in Geoff's aviary,
....now Geoff is normally a middle mannered man , but this incidence made him livid, he was chuckingiro. Balls all over the shop, he was doing 'Stongest man ':at the time...
He was so enraged , he used the anger to win 2 'Strongman contests.
Not a lot of people know that .

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea is a big fan of Geoff Capes, but he misunderstood Geaff's passion for breeding g Budgies.....one misjudged sojourn in the porta -potty saw him materialize in Geoff's aviary,
....now Geoff is normally a middle mannered man , but this incidence made him livid, he was chuckingiro. Balls all over the shop, he was doing 'Stongest man ':at the time...
He was so enraged , he used the anger to win 2 'Strongman contests.
Not a lot of people know that .

This explains a lot...

During a broadcast of Look North in 1996 Chris Rea caused outrage by claiming "My Nan knows more about budgie keeping than Geoff Capes and she's been dead for five years"

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea recently spent £1500 having the TURDIS bound in leather. He then told Mrs Rea she had to slash 5% from the household budget.

 

[lazybloke]

Now that Microsoft are allowing Windows 11 to install on older computers, Chris Rea can finally upgrade the navigation computer in his Turdis. If only he replaced that dodgy Pentium and its floating-point maths bug, the Auberge field calculations might prove less volatile...

 

[Dogtrousers]

In the 1980s Chris Rea had a job working for Jim Henson as a musician on the Muppet Show. However Henson told him that he found him "too bluesy" for the Muppets and told him to adjust his style or his job would be in danger.

In a desperate attempt to curry favour with his boss, Rea came up with the idea of a new segment for the show called "Guess the Muppet" in which one of the Muppets was hidden in a box. He even proposed a catchy theme tune "Fool if you think it's Grover". He excitedly pitched this idea hoping it would secure his future.

Henson fired him on the spot.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has at last been granted planning permission to build a launch pad on greenbelt land for the TURDIS timecraft and Time Transit first stage booster.

This is despite Rea himself objecting to a new orphanage being build on a brownfield site in his constituency.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea enjoys a great British sandwich for lunch, but won't touch them if the bread is moist.

 

[Dirk]

Chris Rea's car failed its' MoT - so he won't be driving home for Christmas this year.

 

[Drago]

The other day Chris Rea was piloting the TURDIS after one too many Christmas sherries and collided with a fairground ride in Birmingham. Fortunately the cloking device was on at the time and he escaped suspicion.

 

[stephec]

When Chris Rea opens a bag of Revels he only eats the coffee ones.

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea is intending to eat a whole 14ib turkey on his own for ChrisRea Dinner 🦃

 

[Ming the Merciless]

You pronounce Chris Rea as Chas Hodges. Many get it wrong.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is a keen historical practical joker. It was Rea that drove the Time Transit around the Colosseum, thus leaving tyre marks in the sand and confounding archaeologists.