True Facts About Chris Rea

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea can speak Clanger.

....also a renowned beer chugger, but strangely not ' Newkie Broon'

At least it didn’t appear in your garden!

Hark ! What's that strange rumbling whooshing noise, then comes the after Auberge field dump, .....hope you have a hose pipe handy

 

[grldtnr]

This has just appeared on my Facebook. 😂

View attachment 749373

Actually ,that's very disturbing! Have we rent the space time continuum, or is it Chris for Rea....

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris is currently meeting with Queen Victoria. He has deployed the lizard circuit to blend in.

 

[DRM]

July 20th 1944, the Turdis appeared over Hitlers Wolfs Lair, he even managed to see the Herr Hitler go into the building for a meeting this was when the Turdis gave off a huge auberge field explosion that shook the building to it’s core, Hitler received minor injuries that were officially blamed on an assassination attempt, yet Chris has managed to make Hitler even more of a nervous wreck, and give him another three stomach ulcers, another victory for the Turdis!

 

[grldtnr]

Just been having some rather unusual Lightining here, in Our little corner of the Shires here, not thunder, just lightining.
Not that Rea wallah flitting about in his flying Shitebox ,is it ?

 

[Drago]

In 1968 a drunken Chris Rea flew the TURDIS at speed under Tower Bridge in response to a bet from Richard Harris. The government, keen to cover up knowledgemof the mysterious craft, blamed it on a rebellious young RAF pilot in a Hawker Hunter.

 

[Dogtrousers]

When working for the family ice cream business, Chris Rea regularly chilled the ice cream to below zero Kelvin, simply by being cool and looking at it.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Chris Rea taught Eddy Merckx how to ride a bike.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's TURDIS was valued on the antiques roadshow at £285, although Rea said he'd never sell it.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea has recently traveled back to late 1950’s Vietnam, where he has come up with a cunning plan to earn money to fund his time travels, he opened the Viet-Cong tactical clothing, & Army and Navy Stores, where he was the sole suppliers of black pyjama style clothing, cunningly placed on the Ho Chi Minh Trail, he also, with use of make up and his goatee beard, which made him look like Ho Chi Minh, made some advertising posters to be placed at strategic positions on the Ho Chi Minh Trail where he instructed recruits that they must buy their kit at his store, he was making money hand over fist selling his equipment, which he sold for nearly 11 years until until Ho Chi Minh himself put a stop to it, so on 18th December 1972 he flew the Turdis over Hanoi, to see if he could see what was going on there, and ask Ho if they could strike a deal to keep his shop open, this is when a massive auberge field explosion destroyed 2000 homes, leaving just a pile of rubble, in another twist of fate the US air force got the blame for it, and Chris decided to call it a draw and go home, due to another twist he didn’t realise that Ho Chi Minh actually died in 1969, so he couldn’t have done any negotiating anyway

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea had been visiting WWII America as part of his history studies when a fault with the TURDIS grounded him.

Unable to get the correct components, Rea had to improvise using radio valves. This worked, but the TURDIS was was spitting Auberge Radiation all over the place and was very difficult to control.

Rea steered the craft over the New Mexico desert while he made the necessary calibrations when the flux capacitor gave one final massive crack of Auberge Radiation before settling down.

The mysteriously devastated site was named Trinity and Rea fans to this day take the annual pilgrimage along the road to hell to visit.

 

[grldtnr]

So ,it was Rea rather than aliens at Roswell, what with his northern Pallor, white goatee beard, and Tyne Tees accent, his easily mistaken as an other worldly being.
But travelling around in blue plastic shite box ,must dispel that illusion surely......

 

[DRM]

In 1969 Neil Armstrong claimed that the Apollo 11 space mission was followed by a UFO, many people claimed it was a hoax, but it has since come to light that Chris Rea did indeed follow their rocket to verify that they did walk on the Moon, both Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong are on record as saying to Houston that they’ve just seen an outside crapper go past, this was hushed up at the time, Chris then went round to the dark side of the moon to forewarn his good mates the Soup Dragon and the Clangers that some Americans had landed on the moon, and to keep out of sight, they said they knew as they could hear the raised voices and shouting from there.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's TURDIS enabled visit to Rendelsham Forest as part of his Christmas 1980 tour was a hit with American servicemen in the area.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea flew too close to a supermassive black hole.
His spagettified self is smeared across the sky, looking quite like a comet - which gives Nasa a handy cover story; they don't like UFOs.