True Facts About Chris Rea

[DRM]

In 1969 Neil Armstrong claimed that the Apollo 11 space mission was followed by a UFO, many people claimed it was a hoax, but it has since come to light that Chris Rea did indeed follow their rocket to verify that they did walk on the Moon, both Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong are on record as saying to Houston that they’ve just seen an outside crapper go past, this was hushed up at the time, Chris then went round to the dark side of the moon to forewarn his good mates the Soup Dragon and the Clangers that some Americans had landed on the moon, and to keep out of sight, they said they knew as they could hear the raised voices and shouting from there.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's TURDIS enabled visit to Rendelsham Forest as part of his Christmas 1980 tour was a hit with American servicemen in the area.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea flew too close to a supermassive black hole.
His spagettified self is smeared across the sky, looking quite like a comet - which gives Nasa a handy cover story; they don't like UFOs.

 

[DRM]

In recently uncovered documents, it has been revealed that Chris Rea was Britains most successful WW2 secret agent, after a chance meeting via the Turdis with Winston Churchill, he was recruited to basically drive Adolf Hitler up the wall, with Turdis appearances when least expected complete with huge explosions, and was put on a training course in Everyday German for Northerners, along with regular practice on Duolingo, and complete with a Wehrmacht Officers Uniform, he got into Hitlers inner circle, and kept on at Adolf, that every project must be huge, massive, and grandiose, knowing it would eventually bankrupt the 3rd Reich, he got Adolf to build La Coupole, The Maus tank, V2 Rockets, the Atlantic U-Boat pens, and many other massive projects that were eye wateringly expensive, ridiculous white elephants, he ensured that Hitlers gastric problems got worse with each passing week, and eventually turned him into a gibberish shaking wreck, by early 1945, Winston Churchill was devastated that he couldn’t publicly acknowledge all the work Chris put in to end the war, and make Hitlers life as miserable as possible

 

[Drago]

It was unknown at the time, but the Auberge Field of Chris Rea's TURDIS seriously weakens carbon fibre. In retrospect it was not a good idea to visit the North Atlantic to watch the launch of the Titan submersible...

 

[grldtnr]

In recently uncovered documents, it has been revealed that Chris Rea was Britains most successful WW2 secret agent, after a chance meeting via the Turdis with Winston Churchill, he was recruited to basically drive Adolf Hitler up the wall, with Turdis appearances when least expected complete with huge explosions, and was put on a training course in Everyday German for Northerners, along with regular practice on Duolingo, and complete with a Wehrmacht Officers Uniform, he got into Hitlers inner circle, and kept on at Adolf, that every project must be huge, massive, and grandiose, knowing it would eventually bankrupt the 3rd Reich, he got Adolf to build La Coupole, The Maus tank, V2 Rockets, the Atlantic U-Boat pens, and many other massive projects that were eye wateringly expensive, ridiculous white elephants, he ensured that Hitlers gastric problems got worse with each passing week, and eventually turned him into a gibberish shaking wreck, by early 1945, Winston Churchill was devastated that he couldn’t publicly acknowledge all the work Chris put in to end the war, and make Hitlers life as miserable as possible

Could not have put it better myself ......

 

[Ming the Merciless]

It was unknown at the time, but the Auberge Field of Chris Rea's TURDIS seriously weakens carbon fibre. In retrospect it was not a good idea to visit the North Atlantic to watch the launch of the Titan submersible...

. Chris had worked out a wheeze to sell places to visit the Titanic by expanding his Turdis, adding many rooms and lights. Unfortunately its sudden materialisation caused the captain of the Titanic to swerve into an iceberg. A double tragedy.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea has recently taken his good mate Ray Mears for a spin in the Turdis, due to another miscalculation on the time controls, they ended up appearing about 2 million years ago, they came across a group of Stone Age Homo Erectus (ooerr missus ) who they were able to befriend, this is when Ray showed them how to make fire, and Chris showed them how to make rudimentary whistles from bones, the stone age family were well pleased with their strange new friends and were truly upset when they had to return to the Turdis and go home

 

[grldtnr]

Anyone know where to look for untrue statements about 'our' messiah the onimpent Chris Rea, seems to all true so far?

 

[lazybloke]

Anyone know where to look for untrue statements about 'our' messiah the onimpent Chris Rea, seems to all true so far?

In the multiverse, there's probably a really, insanely weird reality where Chris Rea is a bog-standard ordinary human, salted anchovies are edible, lawns don't need mowing, and Pi=3.0.

I might fire up my omni-portal unicycle and go visit. I'll take a spare tyre and inner-tube, obviously.

 

[grldtnr]

I wonder if there's such a thing as a Recumbent Unicycle, if there is, I bet Rea has done a circumnavigation of the old Roman empire,

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is the only human who can successfully perform the Vulcan Death Grip.

 

[slow horse]

Chris Rea had an alien pop out of his stomach one day, but the NHS patched him up good as new. The alien lives in his garden shed and only comes out at night to feed on the local cat population.

 

[Seevio]

For years Chris Rea thought he had discovered String Theory. It was only when he discussed it with Stephen Hawking that he found out that macrame was already a thing.

 

[grldtnr]

For years Chris Rea thought he had discovered String Theory. It was only when he discussed it with Stephen Hawking that he found out that macrame was already a thing.

.......being fluent in Clanger and various other inter galactic languages, Chris is very fond of Clangerease sticky String pudding.
He is also quite partial to Klingon Gakk , which is raw Klingon blood earth worms.
It's well known that Rea is a gastronome, but I don't think I'll rush to his gastropub
......... Some say it isn't Clarkson that bought and opened 'The Farmers Dog' pub in Burford, it was Chris, Rea, Clarkson is just a front, only there coz of his fame and infamy.