True Facts About Chris Rea

[stephec]

Chris Rea has more cravats than @Accy cyclist

 

[lazybloke]

There's one* significant problem of travelling in time; the auberge field destroys caffeine, and its lingering effect means Chris Rea hasn't had a decent coffee in decades.

* WellI suppose there are all those tricky grandfather paradoxes too, but it's difficult to keep a sense of perspective when you can't even get a decent Americano.

 

[DRM]

Saturday 28th September 2024, Chris was so engrossed in his time travel visit over Scapa Flow, he nearly forgot he had to be at the Riverside Stadium to go see his beloved Middlesbrough FC, he got back just in time for kick off, but was in such a rush to get into the ground he forgot to turn on the invisibility setting, due to the large crowd, and the excitement of a win over Stoke, he was late exiting the ground and on returning to the Turdis he didn’t realise that thousands of supporters had used the facilities, with the tanks full to bursting, he set off on his next adventure, to investigate the Nazi’s efforts to build an atomic bomb, first stop was Telemark, Norway, on arrival he thought the Turdis wasn’t handling properly, just as he flew into the heavy water production area, the Turdis started it’s automatic tank emptying sequence and filled the heavy water tanks with the vile blue toilet fluid mixed with the shoot from all the football fans who had been on the pies and beer, this ruined the Nazi’s evil plans for an atomic bomb, and also gave Adolf another ulcer, and pushed him further along to a full breakdown, by 1945 you can see Adolf visibly shaking, Chris did that to Adolf, Chris thought it best to get out of there sharpish, as he didn’t want to be seen, plus the stench was like the worlds biggest pig farm on a hot summers day, and attracted all the flies from a 6 mile radius of Telemark.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's TURDIS causes the AuroRea BoRealis.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Chris Rea was stood on a highway, and he saw a woman by the side of the road.
She had a face that he knew like his own.
It was reflected in his window.
She walked up to his quarterlight, and bent down real slow.
Chris is not afraid to say a fearful pressure paralysed him.

She said "Son, what are you doing here? My fear for you has turned me in my grave"

Chris replied, "Mama (in a thick Geordie accent, natch) I come to the valley of the rich, myself to sell"

She said "Son, this is the road to Northants"

 

[Drago]

The reason Norfolk is so flat is because of Chris Rea and the TURDIS.

 

[stephec]

The great wall of China isn't the only thing visible from space, locked away deep in the vaults of MI5 is a photo of Chris Rea's goatee taken on Tim Peak's trip to the ISS.

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea doesn't wince when he has his Covid jab.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has been offered innumerable honours, including a peerage and several honorary professorships, but has turned them all down as he feared they would be a distraction from his commitment to bluesy pop music. He has only one regret. In 1987 he turned down the chance to be the new face of Branston Pickle. He often wonders how different life would have been if he had accepted it.

In 2007 he told The Pickler Magazine "I often wonder how different life would have been if I had accepted it"

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea visited Wuhan in late 2019. During the visit the TURDIS Auberge Field backfired, causing damage to a government bio lab that officially doesn't exist.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea has been offered innumerable honours, including a peerage and several honorary professorships, but has turned them all down as he feared they would be a distraction from his commitment to bluesy pop music. He has only one regret. In 1987 he turned down the chance to be the new face of Branston Pickle. He often wonders how different life would have been if he had accepted it.

In 2007 he told The Pickler Magazine "I often wonder how different life would have been if I had accepted it"

When Chris consumes Gherkins, it isn't orally, I'll leave you all to imagine how......but I will say is the sharp vinegar is why he is puckered up down there,
These northern folk around the Tyne /Tees reigion are a weird lot......

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea has more cravats than @Accy cyclist

Or could be the other way round, Accy has less silken/ satin paisley print Cravats, and Accy isn't in the habit of doing bank jobs or highway holdups whilst we a Middlesbro' FC bandana over his face.... Some say?

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea still hasn't got a blue badge for the TURDIS.

 

[grldtnr]

Some say he isn't 'The Stig'........

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea had a bit part on series 2 of Clarkson's Farm. He played "Yokel #3".