True Facts About Chris Rea

[DRM]

Chris Rea thinks it's a hoot to play tricks on historians; using his Turdis to plant jokes throughout history.

In a couple of years, a new chamber deep within the pyramid of Khufu will be opened up to reveal three Furbys and a vinyl album labelled "Now that's what I call Chris Rea".
He's also buried several Austin Maestro cars under the Greenland ice sheet; a few more years of global warming will reveal those.

Surprisingly, no-one has noticed his emojis on the Bayeux Tapestry.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2024/10/15/buried-tomb-petra-jordan-indiana-jones/#
This is very true, Chris does enjoy his historical pranks, in the above article archaeologists think they have found the Holy Grail in a secret tomb in Petra, Jordan, however they will be absolutely astounded when on closer inspection it turns out to be a a beer glass from a Belgian Tripel Karmeliet gift pack, https://www.thebelgianbeercompany.com/p/valentines-shop/tripel-karmeliet-gift-pack/
that Chris was drinking whilst watching the ancient Nabataean people go about their everyday lives, he gave it to an important member of that society as a gift before leaving, it could well be that man’s tomb it was found in, as his relatives knew how precious it was to him, so he would need it in the next life.

 

[DRM]

https://strangebehaviors.wordpress....-cave-art-from-borneo-depicts-humans-dancing/
It would appear Chris Rea has been at it again, this time his Turdis took him back 20,000 years to Borneo, he thought the people living there seemed a bit fierce, but luckily he remembered the old saying that music can calm the savage beast, so with this in mind he got out his faithful Fender Stratocaster, plugged his Marshall amp and Cabinet into the Turdis power supply, and played an impromptu set of songs, by the time he’d got Auberge, all the ancient people were up dancing, having the time of their lives, they wouldn’t let him finish, and demanded the worlds first known encore, so he obliged with a rip roaring version of Johnny B Goode, Jailhouse Rock and finally Rave On, the ancient people of Borneo were so impressed they recorded the event in art form, as can be seen in the article above.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea had a bit part on series 2 of Clarkson's Farm. He played "Yokel #3".

Some say ( ......in a squeaky accent. ) ' He's NOT the messiah.....he's a very naughty boy, now clear of the lot of you !'

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea can speak Clanger.

Some say........that he is the real Soup dragon......and lives on a diet of silly string pudding..........
I can't verify that of course ,but that's the rumour.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea loves nipping back in time with the TURDIS to the early 20th century, whereupon he is often filmed or pictured walking down the street while chatting on a mobile phone. This delights and confound historians and conspiracy theorists.

 

[DRM]

It seems that Donald Trump has really angered Chris Rea, during his time as President, Trump tried to steal the secret plans for the Turdis and the Time Transit, luckily Chris has them secreted away in a place way back in history that only he knows, after having his Tees-Port time travel megabase ransacked by the secret service, he went back in time in order to doctor Trumps food, and make his days as uncomfortable as possible, it’s now being reported in several media outlets that the presidential candidate has terrible wind and often soils himself, and has done so in court, in the Senate and in front of other world leaders, Chris told an unnamed source I’ll teach the b*gger, Trump by name, and Trump by nature, he goes on about MAGA, it now stands for Make Americans Gag Again, he said laughing

 

[Drago]

The recent attempt on Donald Trump's life failed due to Chris Rea.

Rea, who as aforementioned, hates Trump and went back in time to see the flatulent ex president assassinated on the golf course.

The secret service were first alerted by then sound of the popcorn in the TURDIS microwave. They investigated the source of the noise and saw the shimmering of the DHFC invisibility field hovering directly above the concealed gunman.

Rea was gutted, but promised that Donald Parp will soon die and he will be there to see it.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea has a beachfront holiday home on an island called Pom-pom Galli, it lies 'Sou' by Sou West, but that's as much as he is going to divulge, he doesn't want drop in visitors coming by.
He says it very convenient, comes with its own hanger ,so he can park his TURDIS, and Time Transit

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea, though a masterful singer and time traveler is actually quite dim.
He thinks that Erudite is a type of superglue and that emancipated women are the skinny ones.

 

[Drago]

There is no such thing as bird poo as birds have neither a sphincter or anus.

What the see on your cars freshly waxed bodywork is the result of Chris Rea flushing the loo in the TURDIS while in flight.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea has just upgraded to an iphone 18, which he likes because it runs Windows 12.

Although he's a bit disappointed by the lack of 6G coverage.

 

[stephec]

This has just appeared on my Facebook. 😂

 

[Moon bunny]

Chris Rea was the “something nasty in the woodshed” Ada Doom saw in Cold Comfort Farm.

 

[Drago]

Because the TURDIS is powered by 381 unbranded Chinese ebike batteries, Chris Rea is unable to sell it on eBay.

 

[DRM]

This has just appeared on my Facebook. 😂

View attachment 749373

At least it didn’t appear in your garden!