True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

The UKs last remaining branch of Wimpy is in the hangar where Chris Rea parks the TURDIS. And that's not a whopper- it's the truth.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea is currently working on a remake of the A-Team, but with a UK twist, He has written the story around the antics of a group former SAS Troopers, who were locked up for a crime they didn’t commit, before escaping from a high security Military Correctional Training Centre in Colchester, and hiding in the Middlesbrough underworld, it is insinuated that they broke into the Guinness Brewery and stole every bottle, can and barrel of Guinness on site, by order of the British Government, this being at the height of the troubles in Northern Ireland, in order to affect the morale of the IRA and bring the civil war to an end, however a new Prime Minister, Mrs Thatcher meant that the crime was stopped at the last moment as she couldn’t stand Guinness, but they were court-martialled any way to silence them, Today, still wanted by the Government, they survive as Soldiers of Fortune, if you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire ………..F Troop
Chris has the first 6 episodes written an is currently auditioning actors for the rest of F Troop, Chris will play Lieutenant Colonel Chris “Hannibal” Rea

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea failed SAS selection as his deep gravelly voice marked him as too hard by far for the regiment.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has been enlisted by SpaceX to assist with today's Starship test flight.

SpaceX's technology isn't really up to the job so the landing of the booster andni ts capture by the chopsticks on Mechazilla will actually be a mockup of the booster with the TURDIS inside.

As we speak Eeelong Musk is desperately pouring black coffee down Rea's throat in an effort to sober him up in time for the test.

 

[DRM]

There have been wide spread reports of a comet being visible from the UK for the first time in 80,000 years, when Neanderthals were still on earth, however lazy copy & paste reporting has led the story being totally wrong, it should have read “Chris Rea’s Turdis was seen over the UK on Saturday night, as he went back 80,000 years to investigate what happened to cause the extinction of the Neanderthals

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea used the TURDIS to bring some Neanderthals back from 30,000 years ago. He released them into the wild in the back room of the Reform Party Headquarters, a wheeze that could backfire spectacularly in 2029.

 

[lazybloke]

He is an awkward so and so is Chris Rea........one wonders why people follow the Cult of Rea?

Hey, the music is dreadful but my faith in the Great Bearded Traveller of Teeside shouldn't be questioned.

 

[DRM]

In 1984 Nik Kershaw brought out the record “The Riddle” which while being catchy, seemed to raise many questions with regard to it’s meaning, Nik insisted that it had no meaning and was nonsense, but Chris Rea managed to get the truth out of Nik, that it was written about some mysterious clues written in riddle form he’d found in an old book, Chris took them and worked out that it was some sort of warning, and an approximate geographical location, he jumped in the Turdis and went back to mid 16th Century where the document was dated from, his workings out were correct and he did solve “The Riddle” but on his return, despite being constantly badgered by Nik Kershaw, Chris refused to say what the answer to the riddle was, all he would say was it’s just too awful to think about.

 

[Drago]

After getting a lift to the pub in the TURDIS, Leornardo Da Vinci desperately attempted to reproduce the power source of Michaelango's wonderful craft, Michaelangelo being the non de plume Chris Rea usedmin his travels to that time period.

 

[DRM]

In order to assist with his time travelling, Chris Rea has been hard at work in his Tees-port time travel mega base workshops, after going far into the future he returned with new battery technology which is tiny yet has a very high energy storage capacity, and a very highly efficient bicycle hub motor, he then ordered himself a brand new Brompton G Line electric bike, and working in conjunction with Brompton‘s technical staff, he had his bike built up with this new technology, and finished in forest green, initial tests show that this bike is incredibly fast, with a 2500 mile range, and the green paintwork camouflages the machine in rural areas, in the final test, Chris went back to 2003, & stage 9 of the Tour De France, on the descent of the Cote de la Roches he caught Lance Armstrong and said to him is that all you’ve got, the Texan cheat was so shocked and angry that he ended up having to avoid the Spanish rider Josepa Beloki who had crashed hard, as the pressure wave and heat from the speed of the super Brompton, caused his front tyre to explode, it is also rumoured that Chris has the KOM on Alpe D’Huez but strava rejected it as they thought it must have been an aircraft at such speeds, Chris has installed a rack and charging system in the Turdis so his new bike can assist in exploring all the times and places he visits

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Time travel is only possible within a specific temporal loop, a closed timeline where events repeat indefinitely. Any attempt to alter the past outside this loop results in paradoxical consequences that disrupt the fabric of reality.

One such paradox occurred when Chris Rea attempted to prevent the Hindenburg disaster. Traveling back in time to the fateful day, he tried to sabotage the airship's hydrogen tanks, hoping to prevent the flight. However, his interference caused a chain reaction, resulting in a fire, an equally disastrous, accident involving the airship. This paradox created a ripple effect, altering the course of history and leading to unforeseen consequences for the world.

 

[Drago]

At the outbreak of WW2 Chris Rea decided that he wanted no part of it.

He perused his atlas and decided that a nice little oitmofnthe wst island called Midway would be the perfect place to sit it out safely.

 

[craigwend]

In the beginning was the Chris, and the Chris was with Rea, and the Chris was Rea...

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea went forth into the garden of Gethsemane and lo! He did return in a TURDIS.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea can legally ride any e-scooter anywhere he wants.