True Facts About Chris Rea

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea and Thibaut Pinot are pen pals. Thibaut sends Chris bundles of fine silky goat hair for making false beards. Chris sends Thibaut cassette tapes of songs about disappointment and underachievement.

 

[grldtnr]

Your bike in front of the Turdis

Yeah! I can see you flushed with success with that one!
How many pumps of the handle before and after?

 

[Drago]

The Northern Lights is actually the unregulated Auberge Field of Chris Rea's TURDIS interacting with particles of Eric Pickle's flatulence in the Earth's atmosphere.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Yeah! I can see you flushed with success with that one!
How many pumps of the handle before and after?

Depends how much fuel you’ve used for the time travel

 

[lazybloke]

Salvador Dali's art was hopelessly bland until after a heavy night on the cervezas with Chris Rea , the musician slurred, "I can inshpire you with thingsh beyond your imagination".
The subsequent time-bending tour of the universe inspired Dali to paint "Persistence of memory"

 

[DRM]

On 25th June 1950, Chris Rea took the Turdis over the 38th Parallel in Korea, when an unexpected electrical fault caused the Turdis to fly further over North Korea, and then for the Auberge field to give off a quadruple mega backfire, terrified North Korean soldiers picked up their weapons and ran for their lives, as the atomic attack on Hiroshima and Nagasaki was still very much fresh in people’s minds, this was seen as an invasion by the South Koreans, this was how the Korean War started, Chris rapidly hit the time travel circuits, but could only get to 27th July 1953, and appeared at the DMZ in the middle of peace talks, he apologised profusely to the United Nations Security Council, the North and South Koreans, the Chinese, the Americans, British & ANZAC’s, this was enough to allow an armistice to be signed, however he went back home and proceeded to write a screen play for a successful TV Series called MASH, which made it worthwhile all for the trouble he created

 

[grldtnr]

Depends how much fuel you’ve used for the time travel

Always thought fuel is expensive per litre, but beer is more.
Dunno about that blue stuff used in portaloos'/ time travel machines, 'spose is even more expensive, does it matter if it's pink or blue, or is it like Red diesel you mix the two?

 

[DRM]

Always thought fuel is expensive per litre, but beer is more.
Dunno about that blue stuff used in portaloos'/ time travel machines, 'spose is even more expensive, does it matter if it's pink or blue, or is it like Red diesel you mix the two?

Blue is the tank fluid to break up the shoot, pink is flush

 

[grldtnr]

Blue is the tank fluid to break up the shoot, pink is flush

You can't put diesel in a petrol car,, certainly bdo more damage putting petrol in a diesel.
.is that like the same for the time Transit, and what about the Add blue?

 

[DRM]

You can't put diesel in a petrol car,, certainly bdo more damage putting petrol in a diesel.
.is that like the same for the time Transit, and what about the Add blue?

The Time Transit is an original MK1 Petrol version, with the 2.0 litre V4 Petrol engine, taken from a Ford Corsair, and has had some tuning work done, and the axle has a diff also from a Ford Corsair of similar vintage, this gives it car like speeds, this was done deliberately as he didn’t want the DPF and Wet Belt problems of newer Transits as the Time Travel circuits cause enough headaches, without all that hassle too, also it’s classed as an Historic vehicle, so is VED exempt, and cheap insurance, plus it’s in such good condition that it regularly wins cash prizes at classic vehicle show, he’s very shrewd is our Chris and can show Martin Lewis a thing or two about saving money

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's insurers recently declined a payout because he hadn't declared the Ford Corsair Rostyle wheels on the TURDIS.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea's insurers recently declined a payout because he hadn't declared the Ford Corsair Rostyle wheels on the TURDIS.

That's a point, given that all those claims in the past, you know, fire, pestilence, the odd war or two, how come Chris hasn't lost out on his NCB,......Or is it that he never declared them.

Dodgy Geezer,.....but then......

 

[Drago]

When Chris Rea bought the TURDIS he paid extra for paint and upholstery protection.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea's beard hair is a superconductor at room temperature, and his head is a magnetic monopole.

 

[DRM]

That's a point, given that all those claims in the past, you know, fire, pestilence, the odd war or two, how come Chris hasn't lost out on his NCB,......Or is it that he never declared them.

Dodgy Geezer,.....but then......

His motto for living life is “Ask no questions, tell no lies” it’s worked well so far