True Facts About Chris Rea

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DRM

Guru
Location
West Yorks
After his disastrous WW2 ENSA entertainment ensemble, Winston Churchill employed Chris to use the Time Machine to spy on the Axis Forces, when he wasn’t spying he would report back to No10 for a debrief, then being a canny northern lad he would go for something to eat and drink during WW2 times as it was cheaper, having bought a load of old coins and bank notes for next to nothing in modern times, then he would entertain the locals in the pub with a sing song, on one memorable occasion after having a few too many he sat at the piano and played I Am The Walrus, where a Mr Lennon, who was on leave in London, said I’ve got a little lad back home in Liverpool that can write better stuff than that load of rubbish!
 
OP
OP
Drago

Drago

Legendary Member
While researching the history of the Vietnam war Chris Rea accidentally hit the button to empty the TURDIS porta potty while in time-flight over the forest Northnof Hanoi. The noxious effluent deforested hundreds of square miles.

In order to cover his tracks Rea then had to go even further back and I vent agent orange and make arrangements for it to be sprayed from aircraft.
 

lazybloke

Ginger biscuits and cheddar
Location
Leafy Surrey
After losing a late night drinking bet, and having to ride a unicycle from Lands End to John o Groats, whilst playing a harmonica, Chris Rea wrote Road to Hell, and the rest is history.

Chris Rea can barely walk without falling over. His LeJog was only possible after inventing the world's first self-balancing unicycle.
A lesser man would have used a bi-, tri- or quadri-cycle, but Rea enjoys a challenge; this also explains his route (consisting of footpaths only) and a non-standard powerbender harmonica tuning.
 

DRM

Guru
Location
West Yorks
Chris Rea’s science knowledge helped him develop Adblue for diesel engine emissions, however it was not an easy job, nor was it pleasant, the first version used Urea,taken from pigs, Chris had to take a container and work out which pig needed a wee, then catch the urine in a container, however despite this disgusting aspect to the research, it was very successful, hence the chapter in his autobiography that covers the work in great detail is called “The Catcher In The Sty”
 

Seevio

Guru
Location
South Glos
Chris Rea's real name is only known by the inhabitants of North Sentinel island. They get cross when anyone asks them to tell.
 
Location
Cheshire
To this day it is rumoured that the infamous mockumentary, Spinal Tap, is about Chris Rea and his backing band. Suspicion was further raised when Rea shaved off his suspiciously Derek Smalls like mosutache shortly after the films release.

No its true. He wrote all their albums and 'Break Like The Wind' went triple platinum.
Legend or what?
 
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