True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

When an alien face hugger attacked Chris Rea, a baby Chris Rea was later to explode from the face huggers chest.

 

[Seevio]

Due to a dodgy fax machine, when Chris Rea proposed the catchphrase "follow the beard" to Hoffmeister, it was misread resulting in a completely different campaign.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea has been using his Time Machine to enable him to entertain Allied Troops in WW2, he was charged by Winston Churchill to form the best ENSA show the world had seen, and so he began secret talks with some of the best entertainers of the modern era, he realised that the soldiers would be receptive to a more near to the knuckle type of acts, he managed to obtain the services of fellow ‘Boro comedian Roy “Chubby” Brown, who was given his trade mark flying helmet by an appreciative RAF Spitfire pilot, Billy Connolly came on board, as did Sarah Millican, for music he got the Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Ed Sheeran & Adele, who did special acoustic sets.
He also booked Sticky Vicky and the unknown Agnes Pemberton, who sang her most naughty song, while Sticky Vicky performed, to close the show.

View: https://youtu.be/QI0UkUIP1g4?si=OkGyC8Jk11NN8Xdi

This song is very much NSFW, but the troops loved the show, and Chris was soon run off his feet, travelling back to different times and places with the show, however the show had to be cancelled, by Winston Churchill no less, as due to the popularity of it, several elderly and doddery high ranking officers insisted on seeing Chris Rea & The Naughty but Nice Review, unfortunately it was too much for them, 3 fainted, 2 had strokes, 2 had heart attacks, and a further 3 suffered heart failure, Winston Churchill went on record as saying the “Damn show was more lethal than the Bosche”

 

[Grant Fondo]

Chris generally has a good lie-in on December 26th.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Thor actor and perfume advertiser Chris Hemsworth was named after Chris Rea.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris generally has a good lie-in on December 26th.

Well he deserves it. He is the real Father Christmas after all.

 

[Grant Fondo]

When Chris covered Bo Diddley's 50's classic, 'Driving Home For Christmas' he kept the title.
But changed all the words.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Bo Diddley was originally going to release "Chris Rea's a Gunslinger" but due to legal threats changed it at the last minute to "Bo Diddley's a Gunslinger"

 

[Grant Fondo]

Chris stole his first guitar from Django Reinhardt in 1937, who on the night was playing at the Cock & Bull in Thornaby with his 20 piece Peruvian pan-pipe ensemble.

 

[Drago]

The Auberge field from Chris Rea's time machine was responsible for the infamous crash of the DeHavilland DH110 at the Farnborough air show in 1952.

 

[Grant Fondo]

In his autobiography, Chris confronts the depression he faced after being overlooked in favour of Graeme Garden for the cast of 'The Goodies'.

He did secure a walk-on part in Citizen Smith later that year (episode 2 - 3 second slot, busker outside Bejam) for which he received £2.50)

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Chris Rea was going to be the Green Cross Code guy, but at the last minute, the producers decided his beard might scare young children.

 

[DRM]

Chris stole his first guitar from Django Reinhardt in 1937, who on the night was playing at the Cock & Bull in Thornaby with his 20 piece Peruvian pan-pipe ensemble.

He a;so obtained his first Strat the same way, when he went to see Buddy Holly and The Crickets, at the Synthonia Suite in Billingham, Buddy only nipped to the loo for a minute, before packing up after the show, by the time he realised his beloved Strat had gone, Chris was on the last bus back to Middlesbrough, he was unable to grab an amp though

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea took his time machine back to 1941 to watch the sinking of the Bismark by the Hood. However, the wayward Auburge flux from the faulty Road To Hell brand flux capacitor caused an explosion on the magazine and the Hood was blown apart. Once again, Chris Rea re wrote history.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea likes to go onto private property in Accrington and wind up the residents.