True Facts About Chris Rea

[Dogtrousers]

In the 90s ITV were working on a pet-based version of the quiz show Mr and Mrs. In the original, contestants were humiliated by their inability to recognise their spouse by their answers to certain questions. In the pet version, contestants were tricked into mistaking different animals for their own pets.

All was going well for the show, "Fool if You Think it's Rover", until music execs discovered that Chris Rea had written a catchy theme tune. The resulting name change was inevitable.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea used his time machine and go back millenia so that he could torture animals for pleasure. He is responsible for the evolutionary path taken by the skunk.

 

[Grant Fondo]

Chris set up Park Christmas Savings Club in 2009, but relinquished his directorship in 2012 when he realised it ripped off poor people.
Now he drives up and pays how he goes.
What a legend.

 

[DRM]

After his disastrous WW2 ENSA entertainment ensemble, Winston Churchill employed Chris to use the Time Machine to spy on the Axis Forces, when he wasn’t spying he would report back to No10 for a debrief, then being a canny northern lad he would go for something to eat and drink during WW2 times as it was cheaper, having bought a load of old coins and bank notes for next to nothing in modern times, then he would entertain the locals in the pub with a sing song, on one memorable occasion after having a few too many he sat at the piano and played I Am The Walrus, where a Mr Lennon, who was on leave in London, said I’ve got a little lad back home in Liverpool that can write better stuff than that load of rubbish!

 

[Drago]

While researching the history of the Vietnam war Chris Rea accidentally hit the button to empty the TURDIS porta potty while in time-flight over the forest Northnof Hanoi. The noxious effluent deforested hundreds of square miles.

In order to cover his tracks Rea then had to go even further back and I vent agent orange and make arrangements for it to be sprayed from aircraft.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea used to be a big user of crack cocaine, especially while song writing. However, while some of the resulting songs were brilliant, others were clearly affected by the worst excesses of the pharmaceutical.

1284 Ways To Leave Your Lover was a frenetic effort, eventually rewritten to a more manageable length and recorded by Paul Simon.

 

[lazybloke]

The line "Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads" might have been made famous by the movie Back to the Future, but was inspired by Chris Rea who shouts the phrase every time he travels by Turdis.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

After losing a late night drinking bet, and having to ride a unicycle from Lands End to John o Groats, whilst playing a harmonica, Chris Rea wrote Road to Hell, and the rest is history.

 

[lazybloke]

After losing a late night drinking bet, and having to ride a unicycle from Lands End to John o Groats, whilst playing a harmonica, Chris Rea wrote Road to Hell, and the rest is history.

Chris Rea can barely walk without falling over. His LeJog was only possible after inventing the world's first self-balancing unicycle.
A lesser man would have used a bi-, tri- or quadri-cycle, but Rea enjoys a challenge; this also explains his route (consisting of footpaths only) and a non-standard powerbender harmonica tuning.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea’s science knowledge helped him develop Adblue for diesel engine emissions, however it was not an easy job, nor was it pleasant, the first version used Urea,taken from pigs, Chris had to take a container and work out which pig needed a wee, then catch the urine in a container, however despite this disgusting aspect to the research, it was very successful, hence the chapter in his autobiography that covers the work in great detail is called “The Catcher In The Sty”

 

[Grant Fondo]

Chris was stripped of his six TdF wins after admitting his addiction to parmo's (a 'Boro delicacy).
He overdosed three times on them in the following months.
What a legend!

 

[Seevio]

Chris Rea's real name is only known by the inhabitants of North Sentinel island. They get cross when anyone asks them to tell.

 

[Drago]

Every year Chris Rea camps on Rockall for 32 days in order to maintain the Kaiser's claim to the land.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has claim to the throne of England. It's a fairly tenuous one admittedly, but it's more than Sting has, and that's what counts.

 

[Grant Fondo]

The Sting, Rea, Alvin Taylor, Mike Rutherford supergroup (SRAM) only lasted from 1976-1977 due to legal action by the Chicago based multi-national.
Spoil sports.