True Facts About Chris Rea

[Seevio]

What is he doing with her dressing room?

Don't ask questions unless you're really sure you're prepared for the answer.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea was approached by France TV to provide the theme music for televised pétanque championships. His submission "Boules if you think it's over" was never used.

 

[lazybloke]

Under a variety of pseudonyms, Chris Rea is a prolific writer of songs for Eurovision and is incredibly proud of his lyrical creativity in the 2007 effort "Flying the flag" , particularly one of the latter verses:
Take you all around the world
Flying the flag for you
Would you like something to suck on for landing, sir?

And thanks to the right contacts on the judging panel, Rea's songs are selected as the UK entry almost every year, missing out to other songs only on 5 occasions:
1967 Puppet on a String
1969 Boom bang-a-bang
1976 Save your kisses for me
1981 Making your Mind up, and
1997 Love Shine a Light

 

[Grant Fondo]

Chris didn't make the final filming of 'Do They Know Its Christmas?' due to urgent repairs needed on his Cortina mkII, prior to his planned trip up to Middlesbrough some time later.
Boy George was a last-minute replacement, although Chris's earlier recorded two minute guitar solo is used on the single.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea uses Oxo cubes as a form of antiseptic powder.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Chris Rea took part in the World Naked Bike Ride in London this year. Cleverly, he went incognito by shaving off his Goatee.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's trip in the TURDIS to visit the great wall of China in 2020 had unexpected consequences when the radiation from the Auberge field caused mutations of a bat borne virus in Wuhan province...

 

[Moon bunny]

Chris Rea firmly believes Beatrix Potter was Harry Potter's grandmother.

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea never knows which bin to put out on Bin Day.

 

[lazybloke]

The toilet in Chris Rea's time machine is cleverly designed so that no matter where or when in universe he travels, every flush connects directly to Beckton Sewage Works in the year 1997.

Sadly, a mistake in his Auberge calculations are such that his prodigious and frequent bowel movements actually materialise just off the beach at Hunstanton in the summer of 2024.

On the plus side, Rea is hoping to finalise a lucrative deal to licence the technology to Thames Water.

 

[grldtnr]

I am perplexed, are all this rumours about Chris Rea true, fact or fiction.
And I am supposing that this is 'the' Chris Reabtrue, and not some low life basking in his greatness.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's incessant tinkering with time has caused the Ukranian border to suddenly be redrawn 40 miles into Russian territory. Davros, leader of the Daleks, has taken earthly form under the name Putin and he is not impressed.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea is suspicious of electricity and to this day prefers to play a steam guitar.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Don't ask questions unless you're really sure you're prepared for the answer.

I’m ready. Hit us with the answer

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Reas legendary party trick is to do an impression of an African elephant playing a guitar. Queen Victoria was not amused.