Married to childhood sweet-heart Joan, Chris Rea was desperate to start a family but had been infertile since an industrial accident on his paper-round.
Ultimately, this is what drove Rea to develop his time machine, so he could travel back, prevent the accident and restore his nads.
Alas, the rules of temporal causality can be fickle, and his repeated attempts were frustrated. Instead he travelled FORWARD in time seeking futuristic reconstructive trouser surgery, but the costs were astronomical.
Rea saw a much cheaper option - a Parkside "Home DNA Sequencer (with integrated artificial womb!)" from the Middle of Lidl. He pilfered a songbook of "classic hits of the last 300 years", learned a collection of Timmy Mallet songs (including Driving Home for Christmas, Auberge and Let's Dance), and spent several days busking. Finally he returned to his wife with the sequencer, plus a gallon of organic stem cells from the chilled aisle.
With mounting excitement, they fed their nail clippings into the machine and watched every day as the zygote developed into a healthy baby girl who was "born" 9 months later. They named her Josephine.
Rea immediately took to fatherhood, eschewing outdated Victorian values and getting stuck in with his fair share of parental responsibilities. It was a few months later as Rea burped Josephine over his shoulder that a piece of her amber teething necklace fell into the DNA sequencer. The AI processor detected the greatest concentration of DNA preserved in the stomach of a fossilised mosquito trapped in the amber; it combined it with other DNA from a stray goatee hair with inevitable results: within a year, Middlesbrough was overrun by rampaging dinosaurs.
With the public dying in agonising ferocious animal attacks, it took significant effort by the government and the army to suppress the story and to exterminate the beasts; order was restored to the region and Rea returned to the recording studio to lay down some "pre-covers" of Timmy Mallet's songs, claiming them as his own.
He was incandescent with rage that his sales were a mere fraction of those enjoyed by Mallet in the other timeline, which is why young Josephine was banned from watching Wacaday.
To this day, details of the dinosaur plague remain a secret. Chris Rea remains tight-lipped about it, but some believe the events inspired him to write "Jurassic Park" under a pseudonym.
