Gwylan
Veteran
- Location
- All at sea⛵
Who doesn't?
True Facts About Chris Rea
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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Who doesn't?
Gwylan
Veteran
- Location
- All at sea⛵
Dont they do the Yorkshire Show?
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
It’s an annual booking ,but they feel a bit conspicuous as Harrogate is much posher than Middlesbrough
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
In the 1980s there were rumours that Chris Rea would be the next James Bond. It has since emerged that he was indeed close to securing the role but Roger Moore and Sean Connery conspired to scupper his chances because they were afraid he would make them look like a pair of cheesy old hams.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea was using his time machine to explore WW2 USA and on one visit the USS Philadelphia became entangled in the Auberge field and briefly disappeared.
The legend grew and grew upon the retelling, and to cover his tracks Rea took advantage of this and wrote The Philadelphia Expierment under a pen name in order to finally divert attention from the truth.
The legend grew and grew upon the retelling, and to cover his tracks Rea took advantage of this and wrote The Philadelphia Expierment under a pen name in order to finally divert attention from the truth.
lazybloke
Priest of the cult of Chris Rea
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
Married to childhood sweet-heart Joan, Chris Rea was desperate to start a family but had been infertile since an industrial accident on his paper-round.
Ultimately, this is what drove Rea to develop his time machine, so he could travel back, prevent the accident and restore his nads.
Alas, the rules of temporal causality can be fickle, and his repeated attempts were frustrated. Instead he travelled FORWARD in time seeking futuristic reconstructive trouser surgery, but the costs were astronomical.
Rea saw a much cheaper option - a Parkside "Home DNA Sequencer (with integrated artificial womb!)" from the Middle of Lidl. He pilfered a songbook of "classic hits of the last 300 years", learned a collection of Timmy Mallet songs (including Driving Home for Christmas, Auberge and Let's Dance), and spent several days busking. Finally he returned to his wife with the sequencer, plus a gallon of organic stem cells from the chilled aisle.
With mounting excitement, they fed their nail clippings into the machine and watched every day as the zygote developed into a healthy baby girl who was "born" 9 months later. They named her Josephine.
Rea immediately took to fatherhood, eschewing outdated Victorian values and getting stuck in with his fair share of parental responsibilities. It was a few months later as Rea burped Josephine over his shoulder that a piece of her amber teething necklace fell into the DNA sequencer. The AI processor detected the greatest concentration of DNA preserved in the stomach of a fossilised mosquito trapped in the amber; it combined it with other DNA from a stray goatee hair with inevitable results: within a year, Middlesbrough was overrun by rampaging dinosaurs.
With the public dying in agonising ferocious animal attacks, it took significant effort by the government and the army to suppress the story and to exterminate the beasts; order was restored to the region and Rea returned to the recording studio to lay down some "pre-covers" of Timmy Mallet's songs, claiming them as his own.
He was incandescent with rage that his sales were a mere fraction of those enjoyed by Mallet in the other timeline, which is why young Josephine was banned from watching Wacaday.
To this day, details of the dinosaur plague remain a secret. Chris Rea remains tight-lipped about it, but some believe the events inspired him to write "Jurassic Park" under a pseudonym.
Ultimately, this is what drove Rea to develop his time machine, so he could travel back, prevent the accident and restore his nads.
Alas, the rules of temporal causality can be fickle, and his repeated attempts were frustrated. Instead he travelled FORWARD in time seeking futuristic reconstructive trouser surgery, but the costs were astronomical.
Rea saw a much cheaper option - a Parkside "Home DNA Sequencer (with integrated artificial womb!)" from the Middle of Lidl. He pilfered a songbook of "classic hits of the last 300 years", learned a collection of Timmy Mallet songs (including Driving Home for Christmas, Auberge and Let's Dance), and spent several days busking. Finally he returned to his wife with the sequencer, plus a gallon of organic stem cells from the chilled aisle.
With mounting excitement, they fed their nail clippings into the machine and watched every day as the zygote developed into a healthy baby girl who was "born" 9 months later. They named her Josephine.
Rea immediately took to fatherhood, eschewing outdated Victorian values and getting stuck in with his fair share of parental responsibilities. It was a few months later as Rea burped Josephine over his shoulder that a piece of her amber teething necklace fell into the DNA sequencer. The AI processor detected the greatest concentration of DNA preserved in the stomach of a fossilised mosquito trapped in the amber; it combined it with other DNA from a stray goatee hair with inevitable results: within a year, Middlesbrough was overrun by rampaging dinosaurs.
With the public dying in agonising ferocious animal attacks, it took significant effort by the government and the army to suppress the story and to exterminate the beasts; order was restored to the region and Rea returned to the recording studio to lay down some "pre-covers" of Timmy Mallet's songs, claiming them as his own.
He was incandescent with rage that his sales were a mere fraction of those enjoyed by Mallet in the other timeline, which is why young Josephine was banned from watching Wacaday.
To this day, details of the dinosaur plague remain a secret. Chris Rea remains tight-lipped about it, but some believe the events inspired him to write "Jurassic Park" under a pseudonym.
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
Chris Rea isn't a secret lemonade drinker.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea's chopper is painted red with yellow decals like a Raleigh Chopper.
lazybloke
Priest of the cult of Chris Rea
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
That might explain his infertility
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Chris Rea after a heavy night drinking in Folkestone stole the Excavator from Thunderbird 2. By morning he had popped up in France. Thus the Channel tunnel was born and the rest is history.
Grant Fondo
Guru
- Location
- Cheshire
Although Chris has sold millions of albums worldwide, his most lucrative work has been writing tv advert jingles where he had taken a percentage.
'Tetley make tea bags, make tea' and 'Do the Shake & Vac and put the freshness back', to name but two.
'Tetley make tea bags, make tea' and 'Do the Shake & Vac and put the freshness back', to name but two.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea hijacked an American airliner for ransom and parachuted to freedom. No trace of him was ever found, bar a single bank note.
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
Chris Rea and Penelope Keith have never been seen in the same room together. Just sayin'.
