True Facts About Chris Rea

[DRM]

Chris Rea recently went back to Lindisfarne in early 793, however his flux capacitor was still misfiring, creating sparks, flames and whirlwinds, so he came back to modern day Middlesbrough to effect repairs in his shed, once satisfied he set the time for 8th June 793, he was just over the North Sea near Lindisfarne and the huge waves and winds created by his appearance pushed several ships off course and onto the island, the Nordic sailors were outraged by this and ran ashore in search of compensation, the monks couldn’t understand what they had done to deserve this pillaging and ransacking, so the events were written down for posterity, it’s really true!
https://www.english-heritage.org.uk/visit/places/lindisfarne-priory/History/viking-raid/

 

[Drago]

The wake caused by Chris Rea speeding towards the past was responsible for the storm that dispersed the Spanish Armada. In order to maintain his cover he allowed Francis "couldn't sail a dinghy on a millpond" Drake to take the credit.

 

[Dogtrousers]

As a boy the young Chris Rea would be taken to far-off Newcastle for his holidays. One of his favourite pass times was messing around with bits of driftwood and singing songs to himself about them. Local musician Alan Hull overheard Chris singing about a "Log on the Tyne", which inspired Hull to turn the ditty into a hit.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Chris Rea's middle name is Josephine.

 

[rogerzilla]

Chris Rea has four nipples.

 

[Drago]

February 1945 was the chosen destination wrong for WWII buff and time machine owner, Chris Rea.

Sadly the backfiring flux capacitor belched out radioactive flame of such intensity that the entire city of Dresden was destroyed.

Forth stely the ever vain Arthur Harris of bomber command was happy to take credit.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Chris Rea auditioned to be the lead singer of Madness when they first formed.

However, the other members didn't think he carried enough gravitas for the role, oh, and nor were they sure about his cockney accent.

He's never been able to wear a Fez since.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea wrote the song "save your love", but felt it was far to upbeat for him so allowed Rene and Renata to record it.

 

[DRM]

With Chris Rea's love of cycling, he decided to go back in time to see some iconic editions of the Ronde Van Vlaanderen, however disaster struck when he inputted the incorrect date for first ever edition, held on 25th May 1913, he accidentally put in the date 19th July 1915, as he appeared over the German trenches at Hooge, his Time Machines flux capacitor gave off it's most impressive back fire to date, the terrified Germans were blown to smithereens, and it left a massive crater that measured 6 meters deep and 40 meters wide, which is still visible today ,109 years later, the 175th Mining Company of the British Army were happy to say their huge mine had caused the explosion.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea was one of the blokes in Brotherhood of Man. This is not secret and he often mentions it, but no one is interested, and anyone he tells instantly forgets it.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea’s Time Machine was also responsible for appearing over Flixborough on 1st June, 1974, where another backfire caused a chemical plant to explode which led to fires raging on site for 10 days and for damaging properties as far away as Scunthorpe, and was heard as far away as Hull, Grimsby and Saltfleet, the site’s maintenance team were blamed as Chris cleared off hastily, to the current time.

 

[Drago]

Just yesterday, Chris Rea's time machine materialised above the canal at Walsall and the radioactive exhaust combined with the water pollution to create cyanide.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea has an interest in astronomic events, and used his Turdis to visit Tunguska in 1908 to see the comet airburst.
Despite camping out for several weeks he saw nothing except mile upon mile of unspoiled boreal forest.

He tried Arizona next, but the Baringer Meteor crater site was undisturbed grassland.

The final straw was a visit to Chicxulub on the Yucutan peninsula, where he saw only a bucolic scene of grazing dinosaurs.

Frustrated and angry, Rea returned to his workshop in the present day, and finally got round to recalibrating his flux capacitor; it had been causing a rather nasty backfire whenever he dematerialised.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea used the Turdis to visit Pennsylvania so he could wee first hand the assassination of Donald Trump.

However, the excessive Auberge Field created by rhe cheap Road To Hell brand flux capacitor deflected the incoming round slightly, thus rewriting history.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea used the Turdis to visit Pennsylvania so he could wee first hand the assassination of Donald Trump.

However, the excessive Auberge Field created by rhe cheap Road To Hell brand flux capacitor deflected the incoming round slightly, thus rewriting history.

That reminds me.....
Everyone knows about Trump's golden bathroom fittings, but Rea was curious to understand why there was particular interest in a golden shower that some say the orange one likes to demonstrate to nice Russian ladies.
Chris Ria, having recently upgraded his Time Machine with a cloaking device made from an XR4i spoiler, grabbed his camera and headed off through time and space to document Trumps accommodation.

Ria does not speak of his findings.