True Facts About Chris Rea

[Dogtrousers]

In 2014 Chris Rea collaborated with Ray Mears on a project to produce a cover version of Jethro Tull's "Songs from the Wood". Chris was to play a guitar made by Ray from twigs and squirrels. The project was never completed.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Chap went to the quack. "Doc - I've got a dreadful dose of Chris Rea"
"Don't you mean diarrhoea?"
"No Doc, it's this very irritating ear worm"

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's time travelling visit back to Chernobyl in 1986 quite backfir3d when w faulty flux capacitor caused radioactive flames to shoot from the machines exhaust.

This had a happy ending, as the value of Rea's shares in a major concrete manufacturer jumped enormously when the Ukrainian government started buying up vast volumes of concrete with which to make the famous sarcophagus.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea's time machine doesn't merely travel in four dimensions, it can also traverse the multiverse.
Worryingly, this means there are infinite Chris Reas roaming every single plane of existence, and hence your chance of bumping into one of them is a 100% certainty. Pray you meet a benign one*.

*An evil one can be identified by sporting a stupid goatee and writing toe-curlingly awful easy-listening pop musak.

 

[Dogtrousers]

In news that has stunned the astrophysics community Chris Rea has announced the first confirmed experimental detection of dark matter down the back of his sofa.

"There's all sorts of stuff down there. Higgs bosons, dark matter, bic tops" he says. "And if I arrange the cushions right I get supersymmetry"

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Chris Rea asked Drago to play bass on his Road to Hell album, but after hearing the Drags playing down the Duck and Trumpet in Nether Shitterfield one drunken Friday night, the Goatee one, realised he would be forever upstaged on his own album, and quietly dropped the idea.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea doesn't know how to pronounce his surname.

 

[lazybloke]

After years of little progress, Chris Rea's autobiography is nearing completion.

His publisher suspects much has been ghost-written by an assortment of nutters on the internet.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea puts tobasco sauce on his cornflakes.

 

[DRM]

Problems with Chris Rea's time machine continue, after appearing over the Barents Sea on August 12th 2000, the faulty French built flux capacitor, gave off another Nuclear Gallic shrug (Burp) over the Russian Oscar II Class Nuclear Submarine, K141 Kursk, resulting in the complete destruction of the vessel, Putin officially denied the disaster for days, however amongst his Kremlin Aides he was apoplectic with rage, saying I'll Novichok that Smoggie nobber myself, luckily for Chris he went back to August 10th and tipped off Mammoet about an upcoming retrieval contract, then bought thousands of shares in the company, hoping the profits would pay for a better quality Flux capacitor, then the Citroen/Peugeot built affair.

 

[Dogtrousers]

When Lemmy was kicked out of Hawkwind and was pondering his next move he said wanted to form a band that "if we moved in next door to you your lawn would die". Someone suggested approaching Chris Rea but Lemmy said "steady on old chap, there are limits you know".

 

[Fergs]

Chris Rea worked on the first English translations of Herge’s Tintin books.
He abandoned his career translating children’s picture books when he was asked to work on the first Asterix title because “that magic potion stuff is just drugs, like. In a book for nippers! It’s a disgrace, man”

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea thought he'd us his time machine to help mankind by going back to 1912 and murdering Hitler.

Unfortunately he was reincarnated as Nigel Farage, leaving Rea vowing never to interfere with history again.

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea gives chocolate coated Brussel Sprouts to any kids Trick or Treating.. 👻

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Chris Rea is a long standing and valued member of Cyclechat.

To maintain anonymity, he uses various user names on the much esteemed site.

After intensive research, we understand that his favourite cover names are PeteXXX, Dogtrousers and ..... Drago!!!!!