DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
It’s recorded that the Mayor of Hiroshima said what the fark was that!
True Facts About Chris Rea
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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It’s recorded that the Mayor of Hiroshima said what the fark was that!
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
In early 1940 Chris Rea flew his Time Machine over Berlin, he had been visiting many historical places over a 3 week period, and his chemical toilet was full to nearly overflowing,so he decided to empty it, the resulting mess splattered over wide part of Berlin City Centre, Winston Churchill received a furious complaint from the German Government about the unwanted and unwarranted biological warfare attack, Hitler was apoplectic with rage, as his best Mercedes staff car was in direct firing line, with the soft top down.
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
Chris Rea was asked to come up with the overall design for the Paris Olympics opening and closing ceremonies.
However, our French cousins thought his ideas were far too way out, and would have completely bamboozled the world audience watching.
Therefore, they decided to go with their own, much simpler, easy to understand ideas.
However, our French cousins thought his ideas were far too way out, and would have completely bamboozled the world audience watching.
Therefore, they decided to go with their own, much simpler, easy to understand ideas.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
The sudden appearance of Chris Rea's time machine at Rourke's Drift was enought to scare off 5000 Zulus, thus saving the lives of 150 odd Welsh soldiers who were armed only with leeks.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
Chris Rea recently took his Time Machine to Bethlehem, December 25th year 0, he wanted to see if it was true about the Baby Jesus birth, as he was struggling to find the stable, he switched on his newly fitted bank of 20x 3000 lumen security lights he had obtained from B&Q in Middlesbrough , after a short while he managed to locate the stable, however he decided to not bother landing as 3 Regal, but tough looking men on Camels seemed to be using the light to guide themselves through Bethlehem, they tied up their camels outside the stable and went inside with gift wrapped boxes, Chris had forgotten to bring a gift, and as the 3 Camel riders looked like they could handle themselves, decided not to visit the infant
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
In December 1914, Chris Rea flew to the Western Front, with several boxes of chocolate bars and cigarettes, in an effort to cheer up the troops, and see conditions for himself, he hoped to see his grandad and great uncles as young men too, after getting safely into the trenches he heard singing coming from the German lines, after some singing backwards and forwards between the British and German troops, he noticed some soldiers getting out of the trenches and having a get together, remembering he had a newly purchased football in his Time Machine, he went to fetch it, organising a game of 100 a side, with his Middlesbrough FC fan shop purchase, afterwards he got both sides together for another singsong as he had also brought a guitar, he finished off the festivities with Driving Home For Christmas, which was remembered fondly by many veterans of the Great War
Bonefish Blues
Banging donk
- Location
- 52 Festive Road
Man in the daft space alien suit? You know who.
Seevio
Guru
- Location
- South Glos
I'm beginning to regret mentioning Chris Rea's time machine. I understand he is due to tell me to keep it secret sometime around Christmas.
Seevio
Guru
- Location
- South Glos
Presumably from his car phone while he is driving home.
Grant Fondo
Guru
- Location
- Cheshire
Chris left London on the 3rd January 1992 in his De Lorean but made Christmas day 1987 at his Mam's house in Middlesbrough.
She made him a brew but remarked, 'What the feck happened to that lovely MkII Cortina w'or lad?'
She made him a brew but remarked, 'What the feck happened to that lovely MkII Cortina w'or lad?'
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea's time machine enabled visit to the Falkland Islands in 1982 was mistaken by FAF radar operators as an Argentine invasion. This triggered an alternative timeliness where the RAF nuked Buenos Aires, causing £5 worth of improvements.
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
Chris Rea lubricates his flux capacitor with WD40
Grant Fondo
Guru
- Location
- Cheshire
The Christmas day trip to see his Mam in 1992 / 1987 was, alas, the last journey Chris's De Lorean ever made.
It failed its MOT the day after Boxing day.
The garage owner commented to the Teeside Examiner,
'A blind one armed chimpanzee must 'ave built that bag 'o sh*te man, i ran oot of printer paper for the MOT'.
Luckily the De Lorean passed its MOT again in 1966, 2018 and 2067.
It failed its MOT the day after Boxing day.
The garage owner commented to the Teeside Examiner,
'A blind one armed chimpanzee must 'ave built that bag 'o sh*te man, i ran oot of printer paper for the MOT'.
Luckily the De Lorean passed its MOT again in 1966, 2018 and 2067.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea became stranded back in the 1960s thanks to the dodgy MOT on his ti e machine, and to avoid suspicion rei vented himself as Lee Marvin.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
Chris Rea travelled via Time Machine back to the court of Elizabeth I , due to his goatee beard he was mistaken for Sir Walter Raleigh and the Queen demanded his presence, Chris quickly realised he should bring the Queen evidence of Sir Walter Raleigh’s expedition, so he obtained from his Time Machine a 25Kg sack of spuds, and a box of 800 Woodbines, this quick thinking saved his skin, he showed the Queens cook how to make chips, and Elizabeth I was over the moon with her new discovery.
