True Facts About Chris Rea

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea is so dim he thinks Erudite is a 2 part epoxy glue.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea played Francisco Scaramanga in The Man With The Golden Gun.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Art historians have long puzzled over "Goatee Man". Some scholars claim that same face has appeared in major works by multiple artists from different periods. He appears on Han Dynasty pottery, in the works of Giotto and Van Eyck, famously he is in Leonardo's Last Supper and can be spotted on Michaelangelo's Sistine Chapel, and is visible on one of the Benin bronzes controversially held in the British Museum. He appears as one of the corpses in Gericault's the Raft of the Medusa. Some argue that he is visible in Neolithic cave paintings and in Picasso's Guernica.

There are those who argue that there is no real pattern, but the theory of "Goatee Man" just will not go away.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Chris Rea holds the world distance record for cycling underwater, backwards, on a fixie, whilst playing the violin.

 

[rogerzilla]

Chris Rea is an extra in Star Wars. Just before the Death Star is destroyed, he plays the Imperial trooper readying the big laser for firing.


View: https://youtu.be/6H0vFP_jXN4?si=melfo1tTNg2E_R3S&t=6m30s

 

[Drago]

The Alfa Romeo grille is inspired by Chris Rea's goatee.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea once admitted that he has an incurable rash but he won't say where!

On his chin

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea came fourth in the world hopscotch championships in 1983. He put it down to his ballet lessons and expert throw.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea is known primarily as a guitarist, but his favourite instrument is the Kazoo. "I always work out new compositions on the Kazoo or the Vuvuzela" he says. "It's the purest form of musical expression. Then I work on the structure of the piece by playing the spoons and add in whoopee cushion tracks only then do I move on to singing and playing the guitar. Unfortunately my record label turn their noses up at proper music and force me to release only what I refer to as 'singy twangy crap'"

 

[stephec]

When Chris first got his time machine he wanted Carol Vorderman to be his Doctor Who type assistant, but she broke his heart when she turned him down, ' @Drago is the only one for me,' she said.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea took his Time Machine to Hastings in 1066, the day before the famous battle he asked a long bowman if he could have a go, Chris was given a quick lesson and fired a few arrows, however his aim and technique were appalling with arrows flying all over, after one shot flew straight up bringing down a passing seagull, King Harold was recorded as saying, for the love of god, get rid of that goatee bearded buffoon, he’ll have someone’s eye out tomorrow, the rest is history

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea visited Hiroshima in August 1945. Unfortunately the time machines fusion reactor backfired badly and he was forced to divert to Nagasaki to effect repairs.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea visited Hiroshima in August 1945. Unfortunately the time machines fusion reactor backfired badly and he was forced to divert to Nagasaki to effect repairs.

It’s recorded that the Mayor of Hiroshima said what the fark was that!

 

[DRM]

In early 1940 Chris Rea flew his Time Machine over Berlin, he had been visiting many historical places over a 3 week period, and his chemical toilet was full to nearly overflowing,so he decided to empty it, the resulting mess splattered over wide part of Berlin City Centre, Winston Churchill received a furious complaint from the German Government about the unwanted and unwarranted biological warfare attack, Hitler was apoplectic with rage, as his best Mercedes staff car was in direct firing line, with the soft top down.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Chris Rea was asked to come up with the overall design for the Paris Olympics opening and closing ceremonies.

However, our French cousins thought his ideas were far too way out, and would have completely bamboozled the world audience watching.

Therefore, they decided to go with their own, much simpler, easy to understand ideas.