True Facts About Chris Rea

[Dogtrousers]

Here it is
View attachment 740199

I got a signed edition from ebay. Dont ask me how much I paid for it.

 

[lazybloke]

There are persistent rumours of Chris Rea being a vampire, but the truth behind his aversion to sunlight is that when bitten by a radioactive earthworm in the late 1970s, his beard developed photovoltaic properties. When exposed to direct sunlight, a potential difference of approximately 137.93162507 volts is generated between his ears.

Additionally, Chris Rea can be used as a solar water heater, simply by connecting a cold "feed" to his mouth, and a hot "flow" from Rea's rear.
Thus, with the right weather, plumbing and electricial skills, a typical UK family could significantly reduce their energy bill by nailing Chris Rea to their roof.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea's world record for "running a Marathon whilst dressed as a solar panel" was plunged into doubt when a witness came forward to accuse him of jumping a fence near Tower Bridge and cutting 10 miles from the course.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea successfully escaped Stalag Luft III in 1943. His escape outfit of lederhosen and a beer stein allowed him to blend in perfectly and he strolled drunkenly across occupied territory to the North sea, where he was able to nab a lift to freedom on a British sub.

 

[Gwylan]

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give up, fact is indeed stranger than fiction, Chris Rea uses WD40 to polish his lock picks:
https://www.itstactical.com/skillcom/lock-picking/polishing-your-diy-lock-pick-set-for-durability/

Every day's a school day.

 

[lazybloke]

Stripped of his marathon win and sued by his donors, Chris Rea has fallen on hard times.
He dreams of recording a new hit, a duet with fellow hard-up celeb, Katie Price.
Seeking funding, he has reached out to Elon Musk on Twatter, pitching a cover of "Together in Electric Dreams" and offering a cameo to Musk in the video. Musk has taken out a restraining order and commented he'd like to see it enforced by a new tier of the police.

"Nice idea" said Rea, "but Sting won't return my calls since the ladyshave misunderstanding"

 

[Drago]

The comedy broadcaster, Alan Partridge, challenged Chris Rea to a duel over the latter's dislike of Steeleye Span.

 

[Grant Fondo]

I got a signed edition from ebay. Dont ask me how much I paid for it.
View attachment 740221

LM*AO

 

[Drago]

The brake blocks on Chris Rea's bicycle are made from granite, and he has a series of cigarette lighter flints embedded around the rim.

 

[rogerzilla]

Chris Rea auditioned for Korean boy band sensation BTS but couldn't learn the dance moves properly.

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea once threw a hard boiled egg at his history teacher.

 

[Drago]

Upon his death history will be re written to delete Chris Rea. This is due to Rea giving Dan Snow a good hiding in a bar fight.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea gave Dan Snow a hiding after the latter beat him at speed dominoes.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea once threw a hard boiled egg at his history teacher.

What you fail to omit is that when questioned about it, Chris Rea blamed Peter Frampton who was sitting behind him, blamelessly memorising the date of the Battle of Bosworth. This was the source of much ill will between the two.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea passed selection but was ultimately declined a place in the SAS for being too well known. Having terrorists shout "f*** me, that's Chris Rea" every time he raided an embassy was considered a bit tiresome.