True Facts About Chris Rea

[Dogtrousers]

It's been a few years since Chris Rea last amazed us with one of his matchstick sculptures. But if rumours are true it will be worth the wait. A life size nude Michael Bublé wrestling a dragon is said to be nearing completion.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea drinks only PG, refusing to even consider "that Yorkshire tea filth", and eats the old teabags in a sandwich.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea will be setting off in September on an attempt for the fastest circumnavigation of the world whilst on a unicycle juggling squirrels.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Here it is
View attachment 740199

I got a signed edition from ebay. Dont ask me how much I paid for it.

 

[lazybloke]

There are persistent rumours of Chris Rea being a vampire, but the truth behind his aversion to sunlight is that when bitten by a radioactive earthworm in the late 1970s, his beard developed photovoltaic properties. When exposed to direct sunlight, a potential difference of approximately 137.93162507 volts is generated between his ears.

Additionally, Chris Rea can be used as a solar water heater, simply by connecting a cold "feed" to his mouth, and a hot "flow" from Rea's rear.
Thus, with the right weather, plumbing and electricial skills, a typical UK family could significantly reduce their energy bill by nailing Chris Rea to their roof.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea's world record for "running a Marathon whilst dressed as a solar panel" was plunged into doubt when a witness came forward to accuse him of jumping a fence near Tower Bridge and cutting 10 miles from the course.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea successfully escaped Stalag Luft III in 1943. His escape outfit of lederhosen and a beer stein allowed him to blend in perfectly and he strolled drunkenly across occupied territory to the North sea, where he was able to nab a lift to freedom on a British sub.

 

[Gwylan]

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give up, fact is indeed stranger than fiction, Chris Rea uses WD40 to polish his lock picks:
https://www.itstactical.com/skillcom/lock-picking/polishing-your-diy-lock-pick-set-for-durability/

Every day's a school day.

 

[lazybloke]

Stripped of his marathon win and sued by his donors, Chris Rea has fallen on hard times.
He dreams of recording a new hit, a duet with fellow hard-up celeb, Katie Price.
Seeking funding, he has reached out to Elon Musk on Twatter, pitching a cover of "Together in Electric Dreams" and offering a cameo to Musk in the video. Musk has taken out a restraining order and commented he'd like to see it enforced by a new tier of the police.

"Nice idea" said Rea, "but Sting won't return my calls since the ladyshave misunderstanding"

 

[Drago]

The comedy broadcaster, Alan Partridge, challenged Chris Rea to a duel over the latter's dislike of Steeleye Span.

 

[Grant Fondo]

I got a signed edition from ebay. Dont ask me how much I paid for it.
View attachment 740221

LM*AO

 

[Drago]

The brake blocks on Chris Rea's bicycle are made from granite, and he has a series of cigarette lighter flints embedded around the rim.

 

[rogerzilla]

Chris Rea auditioned for Korean boy band sensation BTS but couldn't learn the dance moves properly.

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea once threw a hard boiled egg at his history teacher.

 

[Drago]

Upon his death history will be re written to delete Chris Rea. This is due to Rea giving Dan Snow a good hiding in a bar fight.