Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Chris Rea auditioned to be the Milky Bar kid in the late 1950s. He was rejected as no one could understand his accent. The audition tape can be found on YouTube.
True Facts About Chris Rea
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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lazybloke
Ginger biscuits and cheddar
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
Chris Rea owns "the Ikea collection" which contains every single item the Swedish furniture manufacturer have ever designed.
In addition to limited success as a singer. Chris Rea has a side hustle on Ebay selling nearly new allen keys, spare screws/hinges, and odd plastic bits that have no known purpose.
In addition to limited success as a singer. Chris Rea has a side hustle on Ebay selling nearly new allen keys, spare screws/hinges, and odd plastic bits that have no known purpose.
Bonefish Blues
Banging donk
- Location
- 52 Festive Road
The very best grip for Olympic climbers' hands is afforded by Chris's skin flakes. Much-coveted, they are harvested by young Geordie lasses under the light of a new moon, to be sold on the grey market.
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
Chris Rea has a recurring nightmare of a red faced bug eyed monster with a large moustache forcing him to go to bed. His therapist believes this is due to his overindulgence in Magic Roundabout in the 70s.
lazybloke
Ginger biscuits and cheddar
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea is a keen gardener and used to write a gardening column for Pravda under the pseudonym Percy Chucker, a twist on the name of famous right wing gardener Percy Thrower.
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
More like
Chris Rea is, however, a huge Spongebob fan, and actually wrote the score for Spongebob the Musical
Chris Rea is, however, a huge Spongebob fan, and actually wrote the score for Spongebob the Musical
lazybloke
Ginger biscuits and cheddar
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
Chris Rea is 120 years old and has hyper-mobility to rival Stretch Armstrong; he was the inspiration for X Files baddie "Eugene Tooms".
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea is Count Binface.
lazybloke
Ginger biscuits and cheddar
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
Chris Rea has 33 adult teeth.
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
Chris Rea actually sang The Last Waltz, but old Englebert, who merely mimed it, took all the credit.
The Goatee warbler was so enrgaed by this, that he wrote Release Me, which ol' Humperdinck only went and stole too!
The Goatee warbler was so enrgaed by this, that he wrote Release Me, which ol' Humperdinck only went and stole too!
lazybloke
Ginger biscuits and cheddar
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
After Chris Rea visited the dentist in 1957 , he quickly noticed that by facing east his new filling could pick up radio signals - later identified as Russian military broadcasts . Relocated by the authorities to the coastal town of Saltburn-by-the-sea to improve reception, the innocuous new family home on the corner of Milton Street and Marine Parade quickly became Britain's most important listening station of the Cold War.
Rea himself, at the tender age of 6, had to sign the official secrets act and join MI6.
He was their youngest ever employee, and also the very first agent to be granted "home worker" status.
Such was the importance of Rea's filling, he qualified for a lifetime supply of free OralB dental care products. He rather likes their toothpaste flavour, but says that Philips Sonicare make a far superior electric toothbrush.
The end of the cold war saw the listening station turned into a museum, now listed on TripAdvisor as the 237th most popular tourist attraction in the region, falling somewhere below Hartlepool Nuclear Power Station, the derelict Redcar steelworks, and whatever's left of the ICI plant.
Rea relocated to a top secret new location (RAF Fylingdales) and continued his work.
In 2009 he smashed the employee record for "longest period of continous security clearance" and was awarded a long service award of a poison-tipped umbrella and a £20 voucher to spend on food from "The Right Plaice" in Billingham. He's saving it for a special occasion.
Rea himself, at the tender age of 6, had to sign the official secrets act and join MI6.
He was their youngest ever employee, and also the very first agent to be granted "home worker" status.
Such was the importance of Rea's filling, he qualified for a lifetime supply of free OralB dental care products. He rather likes their toothpaste flavour, but says that Philips Sonicare make a far superior electric toothbrush.
The end of the cold war saw the listening station turned into a museum, now listed on TripAdvisor as the 237th most popular tourist attraction in the region, falling somewhere below Hartlepool Nuclear Power Station, the derelict Redcar steelworks, and whatever's left of the ICI plant.
Rea relocated to a top secret new location (RAF Fylingdales) and continued his work.
In 2009 he smashed the employee record for "longest period of continous security clearance" and was awarded a long service award of a poison-tipped umbrella and a £20 voucher to spend on food from "The Right Plaice" in Billingham. He's saving it for a special occasion.
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Cnris Rea cannot breathe through his mouth.
lazybloke
Ginger biscuits and cheddar
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
Can Chris Rea sing through his mouth?
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
Throughout the 1970’s and 1980’s Chris Rea was the operator for The Lincolnshire Poacher Numbers Station, from a secret location, (a hidden room on the transporter bridge) the excellent technical engineering led many to believe that it was being transmitted from RAF Akrotiri in Cyprus, when all along it was live from Middlesbrough
View: https://youtu.be/Gzy9inhK6nc?si=eJsnHMafFv9x6hL_
Chris played the opening tune live on air on a Stylophone he liberated from Rolf Harris, and read the numbers out to spies listening across the world himself
View: https://youtu.be/Gzy9inhK6nc?si=eJsnHMafFv9x6hL_
Chris played the opening tune live on air on a Stylophone he liberated from Rolf Harris, and read the numbers out to spies listening across the world himself
