True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

Brian tilsley kept his socks on while having relations with Gail as Chris Rea's feet were bdly burned by the leaking Auberge Field of the TURDIS.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Albert Tatlock was Chris Rea's biological father.

 

[Drago]

Due to his persistent pollution of the timeline by over zealous use of the TURDIS, Chris Rea is his own Mother.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea could never forgive Raquel for breaking Curly's heart. He won't watch Happy Valley because Raquel is in it.

 

[DRM]

A leaked BBC memo shows that there may be a Who Do You Think You Are Xmas special starring Chris Rea, however the BBC’s executives are terrified that when fresh information is brought to light and the expert says your ancestor was in this place, that’s were you should go next, Chris will quite literally jump in the Turdis and go meet his relatives, with all the risks a backfiring auberge field brings, all captured on a Go-Pro for posterity, plus he wants to put new lyrics to Driving Home For Xmas, just for the programme, the BBC lawyers think it may be a risk too far, yet could be their best programme to date

 

[Drago]

Young Philip Schofield's broom cupboard was in fact Chris Rea's TURDIS.

 

[grldtnr]

I think I've had a personal visit from the TURDIS Miester my notifications have been disrupted about all these 'True facts' re lol sting to Chris Rea,
Not only that ,I have just had to rod out my drains, i got an inexplicable blockage of turds in my sewer pipe ,Chris obviously needed to dump some excess 'material'.
I'll be glad once he gets the Time Transit online, then he can travel through the time portals ,just like that happy bundle of dwarf time bandits, Sean Connery appears in the film with a full head of hair !

 

[TheDoctor]

I think Drago IS Chris Rea and he's pranking us all...

 

[TheDoctor]

I notice he's not denying it!

 

[grldtnr]

We will know the proof will be clean white trainers ,all Bass players seem to wear them.
Drago plays Bass, Chris doesn't....

 

[grldtnr]

I am trying to infect another thread / timeline, by answering a thread by Accy Cyclist, he is posing the question who would he be a love child off........
Got to be Chris Rea innit.....

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea fell out with Accy when, during one visit to the renowned style guru, Rea parked the TURDIS on the footway.

 

[grldtnr]

Oh, no 😮! We all know that won't do..... This could end like the other inconsequential family rift occupying the media .....the Windsors.

 

[Grant Fondo]

Like Danny Dyer, Chris can also trace his ancestry back to Edward III, but that's where the similarities end.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea pronounces 'scones' as sc-oons.