True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

Chris Rea's party trick is the Rhinoceros Walk. It's like the Elephant Walk, only difference being he pops a few viagras beforehand.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Reas legendary party trick is to do an impression of an African elephant playing a guitar. Queen Victoria was not amused.

That's not surprising. The Empress of India deserves nothing less than an Indian elephant

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Chris Rea is bilingual, he can speak fluent Geordie and passable English.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was touring the middle east in his time machine when it endured a collision. The cloaking device meant the pilot of the Silent Hawk spec ops helicopter did not see the time machine and as a result of the collision the chopper crashed to the ground.

Fortunately no one was hurt and by way of an apology Chris Rea helped out by nipping into a nearby house and shooting Osama Bin Laden.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea caused an upset when a photographer from Nautical Modelling Monthly arrived at his house to photograph his collection. It seems that there was a misunderstanding when someone misheard what Chris was saying. The photographer was expecting to see a display of ships in bottles.

 

[Seevio]

I’m ready. Hit us with the answer

Very well, you were warned. I'm not sure it will get past the censors anyway.

Chris Rea has weekly meetings in Fenella Fielding's dressing room where he has been known to ███████-█████████ with various members of ████████████████. Usually this happens on Tuesdays but if it happens on Thursday, he ███████s backwards while ████████ a ███████ ████ and ████████ ██ ██████ ████████ ████ wombat.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's bottled turd collection includes a very rare example from Chris Packham. It's is considered rare because Packham is anally retentive.

 

[stephec]

Whenever an actor dies midway through filming it's always said that previous footage is skillfully worked in to complete the film.

Really it's Chris in his turdis popping back in time to before the actor died, then going forwards so that they can finish the film, and once it's done he takes them back again so that they can happily pop their clogs.

 

[tyred]

I had no idea that Chris Rea has led such an interesting life.

 

[Drago]

Most of Chris Rea is a member of the MU, except his beard which is a member of Equity.

 

[lazybloke]

It's a little-known fact that Chris Rea is president of the Juliet Bravo fan club, and enlisted @Drago as design consultant when decorating his garden shed to resemble Hartley Police Station.

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea's flatulence is legendary. Before a gig, once, he ate a bag of peanuts and pebbledashed the first two rows of the audience!

 

[Drago]

Chris Rear, ever thrifty, insists on buying his Y fronts from the charity shop.

 

[Illaveago]

Chris Rea played a young Percy Sugden in the early days of Coronation Street.

Didn't he also play Albert Tatlock at the same time?

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea is rightly proud of his 1980s foray into world music, particularly a writing credit for "Shaddap your face" and playing the pan pipes for Incantation in "Cacharpaya".
Sadly, his involvement is now seen as cultural appropriation, and neither track gets much airtime these days.