True Facts About Chris Rea

[grldtnr]

The workings of the TURDIS are so complex that Steven Hawking gave up after seven years of trying to unravel it's secrets.

"The big bang was easier to work out than that smoggie's poxy pile of crap," he's rumoured to have ranted after one too many schooners of Harvey's Bristol Cream in the student's union bar.

The reason why Stephen Hawking is never going to fathom it out, is he excuse he isn't a blues guitarist. Chris is quite adept at slide Guitar, Mark Knopfler, the late George Harrison ,'Ole slow Hand 'Eric Clapton all have had a go around the local Waitrose Car park up in Middlesbro' .some found it easier than others
B B King had a go, but he didn't have the touch to do it.
Bass players don't stand a chance, you need to be able to play a six stringed instrument, to set the co- ordainets right, got to get just the right vibrato and sustain at a certain pitch, bending the notes.
The Clangers could do it, on account it's pretty close to Clangerease, eating sticky String pudding also helps

 

[Drago]

The real reason Stephen Hawking was wheelchair bound is because Chris Rea once drunkenly materialised the TURDIS without checking an crushed then hapless physicist.

In addition, I wasn't really a snow plough that crushed Jeremy Renner...

 

[grldtnr]

What dastardly deeds has Chris Rea done today ?

 

[Dogtrousers]

What dastardly deeds has Chris Rea done today ?

In an attempt to slow down the flow of misinforation about him, Chris Rea has hacked into the cyclechat server causing the forum to be filled with "Do you buy your pet a christmas present" threads. His plan is that we'll be so distracted we'll stop making up rubbish about him

 

[Ming the Merciless]

The AI at the core of the Turdis is Orac. Chris Rea stole it from the crew of the Liberator, who were filming a documentary called “Blake’s Seven”.

 

[Drago]

To celebrate the TURDIS passing its MOT Chris Rea popped in to visit CycleChat's very own Shaun.

Unfortunately, Shaun was working on the site and had the back off his VIC20 as Rea arrived and the Auberge Radiation damaged the site causing everything to post twice.

 

[Drago]

To celebrate the TURDIS passing its MOT Chris Rea popped in to visit CycleChat's very own Shaun.

Unfortunately, Shaun was working on the site and had the back off his VIC20 as Rea arrived and the Auberge Radiation damaged the site causing everything to post twice.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has introduced a new line of cast concrete figures in a bid to rescue his flagging garden ornament business. The new range consists of famous British Olympic athletes in gnome form. He's particularly proud of the Tom Daly gnome, and says they make ideal presents. He encourages everyone to buy a Diving Gnome for Christmas.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea has introduced a new line of cast concrete figures in a bid to rescue his flagging garden ornament business. The new range consists of famous British Olympic athletes in gnome form. He's particularly proud of the Tom Daly gnome, and says they make ideal presents. He encourages everyone to buy a Diving Gnome for Christmas.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea used the TURDIS to deposit a herd of concrete cows in Milton Keynes for a laugh one night. Sadly the wheeze as misconstrued and was regarded as art.

 

[grldtnr]

To celebrate the TURDIS passing its MOT Chris Rea popped in to visit CycleChat's very own Shaun.

Unfortunately, Shaun was working on the site and had the back off his VIC20 as Rea arrived and the Auberge Radiation damaged the site causing everything to post twice.

I see what's happened there, you only posted that once, but that berk Rea with his cockups made it a dialled posting.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea has introduced a new line of cast concrete figures in a bid to rescue his flagging garden ornament business. The new range consists of famous British Olympic athletes in gnome form. He's particularly proud of the Tom Daly gnome, and says they make ideal presents. He encourages everyone to buy a Diving Gnome for Christmas.

Chris Rea has attempted to break into the Dutch black market drugs trade, just for the Dutch markets he has been manufacturing Gnomes in MDMA ,the Dutch police found a load of Gnomes made of the stuff,each weighing 2 kilos,
That's a lot of gear for personal use!
Reputedly they were modelled with goatee beards, which made the Dutch fuzz suspicious.
Whilst the gnomes are real, there have been denials of any 'Smoggie' crime lords involved.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has dared Elon Musk to sack as many governmnt people as he can. That'll teach them to refuse Rea a concealed carry permit.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has dared Elon Musk to sack as many governmnt people as he can. That'll teach them to refuse Rea a concealed carry permit.

All he wanted to do was put his vindaloo under his coat so it didn't get cold on the way home from the takaway. And what's so wrong with a concealed curry anyway?

 

[grldtnr]

This internet outage in the Baltic , well we know it wasn't the Chinese under orders from Russia don't we , I didn't know the Portaloo was able to travel deep under water, but I have seen one bobbing around on the 'Oggin., blown off Sarfend pier.....thankfully it wasn't engaged ,or plugged in , dread to think what am overloaded Auberge field would have done, what with the WW 2 bomb Wreck ship ' Richard Montgomery not mile away.