True Facts About Chris Rea

Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.

Dogtrousers

Kilometre nibbler
Chris Rea has dared Elon Musk to sack as many governmnt people as he can. That'll teach them to refuse Rea a concealed carry permit.

All he wanted to do was put his vindaloo under his coat so it didn't get cold on the way home from the takaway. And what's so wrong with a concealed curry anyway?
 

grldtnr

Über Member
This internet outage in the Baltic , well we know it wasn't the Chinese under orders from Russia don't we , I didn't know the Portaloo was able to travel deep under water, but I have seen one bobbing around on the 'Oggin., blown off Sarfend pier.....thankfully it wasn't engaged ,or plugged in , dread to think what am overloaded Auberge field would have done, what with the WW 2 bomb Wreck ship ' Richard Montgomery not mile away.
 
OP
OP
Drago

Drago

Legendary Member
Captain Nemo and the Nautilus are inspired by the sub aquatic antics of Chris Rea and the TURDIS.

Indeed, in early prints of the book the shipping called Naughty-loo but was misprinted by confused typsetters when translated for the Welsh edition.
 

craigwend

Grimpeur des terrains plats
A recent misfire of the Turdis power source, the 'Very Large Hardon Cauliflowerider' has coincidenced with a series of glitches on a premium cycling site and forum.

When asked for a comment, Chris Rea stated 'who are these people and why are they making stuff up about me'...

A double bluff of epic proportions...
 
OP
OP
Drago

Drago

Legendary Member
During the height of his drug dependency Chris Rea was desperate for cash. He spotted Louise Haigh on a night out and stole her mobile phone with the intention of selling it to buy goofballs.

Rea, being an essentially decent fellow, was wracked with guilt for weeks after this an eventually decided to return the phone. He used the TURDIS to visit her house and materialised in her hallway, where he located her handbag and slipped the phone inside.

Rea wasn't to know that Haigh had reported the phone as stolen and that when it was switched on upon being discovered it would be flagged to the police...
 

DRM

Guru
Location
West Yorks
Chris Rea, in the late 1960's sold his decrepit old Austin 1100 to Eric Clapton, who wanted it to use around London, as he wouldn't be bothered about it getting a few dings and knocks when used in the city, however it was such an unreliable rust bucket, that it was difficult to start, would stall at junctions, and had numerous knocking noises and rattles, one day after a long recording session the car just wouldn't start so Eric got a huge branch from a tree at the roadside and battered the poor car in a fit of rage, this was spotted by John Cleese, who later remembering the incident, put it in an episode of Fawlty Towers, not only that, but Eric wrote a song about his experience of running a British built car, it had the lyrics
Leyland, you've got me on my knees
Leyland, I'm begging, damn thing please
Leyland, damn thing won't you start
I tried to get you repaired
When your old man had let you go
Like a fool, I fell in love with you
Turned my whole world upside down
Luckily he was persuaded to change the lyrics and make out it was about him and Patti Boyd, and was a spectacular hit from his much loved album "Layla & Other Love Songs" so at least the £25 Chris got for the car was an inspiration for two popular 70's pieces of entertainment.
 
OP
OP
Drago

Drago

Legendary Member
Chris Rea is under suspicion for having helped Lord Lucan escape.

Traces of Auberge Radiation detected at the crime scene and Rea's nu ber one hit, How I Helped Lord Lucan Escape, have both aroused suspicion.
 

craigwend

Grimpeur des terrains plats
Little known FACT is that Chris Rea is a huge Burt Bacharach fan and had a mancrush on Burt in his youth.
Indeed his hit Auberge was originally called 'Oh Burt', though his record company in 'those days' were not ready for an expression of love of this magnitude and challenging to male stereotypes...

If you listen carefully you can hear him singing the original words in the song , watch the video for even more clues to the original homage...


View: https://youtu.be/hakXug2FNkc?si=nm-0Pllu-ZM-IKyb
 
OP
OP
Drago

Drago

Legendary Member
Chris Rea is a huge fan of ACDC and used the TURDIS to visit 1970's America.

He was so impressed by thr show he was inspired to write a song...

Bon, in the USA,
I saw Bon, In the USA,
I saw Bon, in the USA,
Bon Scott, in the USA now.


During the dark days of his goofball dependency Rea was to sell the song to Bruce Springsteen for 5 dollars.
 

grldtnr

Über Member
Little known FACT is that Chris Rea is a huge Burt Bacharach fan and had a mancrush on Burt in his youth.
Indeed his hit Auberge was originally called 'Oh Burt', though his record company in 'those days' were not ready for an expression of love of this magnitude and challenging to male stereotypes...

If you listen carefully you can hear him singing the original words in the song , watch the video for even more clues to the original homage...


View: https://youtu.be/hakXug2FNkc?si=nm-0Pllu-ZM-IKyb

,
I 've just watched that Vid, I think I've spent too much times in Dutch 'brownie' coffee shop.......
 
OP
OP
Drago

Drago

Legendary Member
Having driven home for Christmas for god knows how long,and never ever lost his mobile phone,he is an ideal candidate for transport secretary in Kiers govenment.

Chris Rea has a fondness for freebies, bought the TURDIS from the council and has a conviction for fraud regarding some missing morse code telegraphy equipment, so was seriously considered for the post of Minister for Temporal affairs.

However, in order to set his mind at ease for the interview on monday he went on a drunken bender with Richard Harris in the TURDIS.

Suffice to say it didn't end well and as a result of Rea and Harris' drunken time meddling none of the interview panel were actually even born come Monday morning and the job went to the candidate regarded as the safe pair of hands, a Mr Alan "Al" Fayed of Knightsbridge.
 
Top Bottom