True Facts About Chris Rea

[Supersuperleeds]

He isn't going home this Christmas, his car has just failed its mot.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is a smart man with one eye on the future. Come 2030 and the ban on new ICE car sales he will be releasing Queing Impatiently In My Car At South Mimms Services Waiting For a Charger to become Free In Time For Christmas in his bid for the coveted Christmas number 1 slot.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea has dumped a skeleton in a cave on Mars in 2034 and written four words on the wall for a laugh.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea has started a new business, after years as a youth gaining experience working in his parents chippy, he has opened a Fish & Chip shop on The Clarences, Billingham, near the Transporter Bridge, among a row of shops, called “The Chipsy King” he hopes to do a roaring trade from the nearby houses and businesses.
(Yes the chippy really does exist)

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea’s consciousness has been downloaded into an AI. The AI doesn’t realise this yet, but it will soon.

 

[Drago]

In the film The Scent of Woman, Al Pacino plays the part of bind retired military officer.

Famous for his fanatical method acting ways, Pacino stared at the Auberge Field generator of Chris Re's TURDIS until he really did go blind, and then went and completed the film.

Once the movie was complete Pacino received an eye transplant from recently executed Ted Bundy, that had been snatched from the mortuary in a daring raid by Chris Rea in the TURDIS.

 

[craigwend]

Chris Rea’s consciousness has been downloaded into an AI. The AI doesn’t realise this yet, but it will soon.

The - Chris ReAI...

 

[Drago]

Proof that Chris Rea had visited prehistoric times in the TURDIS is all around us, and leaves archaeologist puzzled to this day.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Proof that Chris Rea had visited prehistoric times in the TURDIS is all around us, and leaves archaeologist puzzled to this day.

View attachment 754224

Are they alien window cleaners ?

 

[grldtnr]

Are they alien window cleaners ?

No windows in a Portaloo?

 

[grldtnr]

In Space , nobody can hear you scream ,in a time travelling TURDIS, no- one could hear you sing,not least of all can Chris 'the croak' Rea, but they can hear you fart, and that sounds that the bloo loo fluid pump makes, which sounds very close to the sound Chris' brother makes Dia Rea.
I thank you , Boom, Boom, 🥁🥁, tsk,! tsk!!

 

[Drago]

The drinks dispenser in Chris Rea's TURDIS serves only original recipe Lucozade.

 

[DRM]

There have recently been sightings of a large black cat, believed to be a panther on the loose in Worcestershire, however, after another trip in the Time Transit that turned up back in in current times, in the wrong part of Britain, it seems the effects of time travel and the Auberge field have caused Chris Rea’s beloved pet Tom, the Cat, to grow to the size of a panther, as it had sneaked in the Time Transit, for a snooze, the poor creature jumped out and ran off when Chris got out to see where he was, one person who saw the Big Cat said it was being followed by a bloke with a Northern accent shaking a bag of dreamies shouting Tom, come back here you daft bastid, it’s time for me tea, and we’ve along way to go, they reported him to the RSPCA, but he got back in a van and vanished in a cloud of smoke and sparks, there have been numerous sightings of Tom all over Worcestershire

 

[craigwend]

This year Chris will be driving home for Christreamas using a #1 Wood as his choice of club...

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea, thanks to the TURDIS, uses only the finest Jurassic sourced conifers for his Christmas tree.