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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
The double diffuser on Chris Rea's TURDIS has been deemed illegal by the FIA.
True Facts About Chris Rea
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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OP
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea has started a petition on the number 10 website to make time travel illegal. He's been back to yesterday and signed it 1.8 million times.
lazybloke
Priest of the cult of Chris Rea
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
A Brexit referendum turnout averaging 1,847% in Middlesbrough and surrounding regions has led to speculation that infamous time traveller Chris Rea has often meddled with the democratic process.
In his defence, he was quite annoyed by poor EU sales of 'Driving home for Christmas'
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
Chris Rea smells strongly of raw meat. He is often followed around by stray dogs.
grldtnr
Über Member
Thought you'd say Raw Sex........with THAT beard hardly likely, not even a right sort ,drunk on Newkie Brown cocktails is going to take that on!
OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea bought the TURDIS cheap from the council after having lived in it for 20 years.
grldtnr
Über Member
Some say Storm Bert was a meteorological storm caused by a rapid depression and the unusual rise in temperatures drawing warm air, in from Africa,.
Now we all know , well those whose subbbed to this thread it wasn't nuffink of the kind !
It was you know who ,the bearded one from Middlesbrough, 'Smoggie'
Rea has been rushing around in his time travelling Portaloo, the resultant, Auberge field radiation raised the temperature, which drew In the warm air to displace the Cold snap , which was killi g of his winter broad beans.
What 'Smoggie' Rea didn't bank on is it also pulled in an Artic blast from the north , bringing rain ,sleet & snow.
So yet again Rea has ballsed up, there's him thinking ,I'll do myself a favour , save my winter beans, and cause a heatwave..
Now we all know , well those whose subbbed to this thread it wasn't nuffink of the kind !
It was you know who ,the bearded one from Middlesbrough, 'Smoggie'
Rea has been rushing around in his time travelling Portaloo, the resultant, Auberge field radiation raised the temperature, which drew In the warm air to displace the Cold snap , which was killi g of his winter broad beans.
What 'Smoggie' Rea didn't bank on is it also pulled in an Artic blast from the north , bringing rain ,sleet & snow.
So yet again Rea has ballsed up, there's him thinking ,I'll do myself a favour , save my winter beans, and cause a heatwave..
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
From a distance, Chris Rea is sometimes mistaken for Hitler.
lazybloke
Priest of the cult of Chris Rea
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
No, that was Bette Midler!
grldtnr
Über Member
You sure ! More like Bet Gilroy, after a hard afternoon on the bottle!
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
Easy mistake to make.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Chris Rea is in fact from the Home Counties and was schooled at Eton. But this has all been covered up by dastardly use of his Time Machine and voice coaching from Ant and Dec.
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
Chris Rea has no bones. He makes up for this by having a robust exoskeleton.
OP
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea's beard is dying. He is on the transplant list and is waiting patiently for Brian Blessed to pop his clogs.
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
But Brian Blessed's beard isn't real! Didn't you know? It fell out when he was up Everest and he now has a transplant from an Orangutan's unmentionables.
